FIND THE WASHINGTONIAN

Have fun trying to find the Washingtonian on vacation in the image below.

Find the Vacationing Washingtonian!

Abortion Debate with Plato

Plato and I had a discussion on Monday at dinner on abortion and I made a podcast where I talked about it. I received an email further carrying out our debate and have posted it below to get other feedback. What do you guys think?

NOTICE: This represents an attempt to justify abortion from a purely societal standpoint and does not address the possibility of a higher morality or God which would by necessity change the entire nature of this discussion.

PLATO:

Hey, I was just thinking about the conversation we were having at Ian’s the other night about abortion, killing the elderly and such, and I think I figured out why I support abortion, but am not a fan of killing 3-year-olds. What it comes down to is that I think you are right that society does have an interest in new members being brought into the world, after all the people who are old now would probably have done things differently if they didn’t think there would be more young people to take care of them when they get old. However, I don’t believe that society’s interest in new members overrides the individuals choice to have a child or not. I don’t think society should be able to force a woman to carry a kid to term. Once a woman has chosen to do so, however, she has produced a new potential societal member, and if she doesn’t want to care for it, or can’t care for it, society would be better off by taking the child’s care on itself than allowing the parents to end the child’s life. The parents cannot complain about being denied their right to end the child’s life in the same way they could complain about being forced to have the child in the first place because the rights are respectively positive and negative rights. I believe that negative rights(the right to not have to do something) generally supersede positive rights (the right to get to do something). This especially in the light of the fact that theoretically what the parents want in being able to kill the child is the right not to have to care for it, which they would obtain equally when society takes the child away and rears it apart from the mother. In short society can’t say “You have to produce us a new member” but it can say “You can’t take away a member that can survive without you.”

So for me I suppose the age at which abortion should not be allowed would be when the fetus is viable outside the womb, and when I say viable I mean would be more likely than not to grow up and lead a relatively normal and productive right. (Society has no interest in ensuring the survival of something that will be so fundamentally underdeveloped that it cannot possibly contribute.)

Now I know this could potentially mean that everyone would be having children and saying “Nope changed my mind, society take care of this for me.” While I doubt this would be the case based on the vast majority of the population wanting to have their own children and raising them, I think society would be better off creating a new mechanism for raising those children, group homes and such, than it would be by discarding them. Personally I doubt that the number of people that would get rid of their children would rise greatly from the number that we already experience, and as such the system already in place of group homes, foster care, and adoption, flawed though it is, would probably suffice to handle those children that were abandoned. This problem could be greatly alleviated, however, by requiring prospective parents to care for any offspring they produce until the children reach a certain age, 18 seems to work, unless of course the parents die/lose their minds, whatever. Such a regulation would simply place more weight on the parents choice to have a child in the first place, and would not be altogether different from child care laws we already have in place.

So there you go. My rationale for why we shouldn’t kill the elderly and why abortion should be legal until the age of viability.

JOEL:

Interesting argument- mind if I/you post it as a comment underneath of my abortion blog/video? (under plato of course)

I think that viability is not a good legal standard for determining when a child should be aborted. What are you going to do in 30 years when a child is viable outside of the womb all the way from insemination? What happens when we no longer need a womb to raise children? Do those children become human at the moment of insemination or do they never become human because they are the property of corporations?

Also, your theory on negative rights (not doing something) superseding positive rights (the right to do) has holes. What about the good/bad samaritan situations… A man is standing next to a pool with a drowning man begging him for a life preserver. He turns and walks away and the man dies. Is the man responsible for the drowning? Most laws say yes at least as far as negligence or manslaughter. Under your scenario, the man would have the legal defense of negative rights superseding positive rights.

It seems inherently silly to me to say that someone’s right not to do something always is more important than even another human being’s right to life. For another extreme case, consider if a man heard prior news that a deadly new virus was about to be released, but he chose to tell no one. A third of humanity was killed. Is that man guilty of no crime? I think that even you would say he should face murder trials. It is not in humanity or society’s best interests to follow that logic.

I like your societal contract far better than these two theories. Can you give me stronger defense?

PLATO RESPONSE:

If medical science progresses to the point where a fetus is viable as say 1 or 2 months, the time frame when a woman usually discovers she is pregnant I would say that the woman should still get the chance on learning of her pregnancy to decide if she wants to carry it out. Remember I was using viability as the point when society has some interest in the child, but I that interest does not override the woman’s right to choice. I set my term of viability to match the point when the fetus might theoretically be born pre-maturally and survive and thrive. Of course medical technology continues to advance so I will concede that if a fetus could be removed from a woman at an earlier point than has previously been feasible, without causing the woman significantly more discomfort than she would experience in an abortion, then society might be well justified in requiring that procedure instead. Of course society would have to run a balancing test, if it were phenomenally expensive to gestate a fetus removed at 6 weeks, society would probably not want to maintain such a fetus. (Unless of course everyone was having abortions and it looked like few or no new people would be born, which I expect would be unlikely.)

If it comes to the point that humans can be grown without the necessity of the womb at all, then society will have no claim whatsoever to tell a woman she can’t have an abortion when she gets pregnant because society no longer requires the participation of its members in creating new members. Society’s interest in the fetus would be negligible, because it could be readily and easily replaced. I know you might reply to this, “Wouldn’t all of society’s members then be replaceable?” I would reply that no they are not. As I noted before under this social contract theory, a fetus is only a potential member of society, as such they are not entitled to the rights and protections of actual societal members. Fetus A is the same to society as Fetus B provided there are no identifiable health conditions present in either. However, once you have a societal member the so-called social contract is in place, and society agrees to defend the individual because the individual contributes to society. This is like the example of businesses I gave you before, a corporation doesn’t have any duty to a prospective business partner, but once a partnership is formed a business has the duty to fulfill the contract it agreed to.

As to your example of corporations growing humans, I would say again what you have is a question of choice. I personally have no compunction against stem cell research, and if a company were growing a fetus simply to harvest stem cells I see no issue raised herein, because such a fetus was never intended to grow to fruition, society is not losing a potential member. If the company couldn’t grow the fetus for the stem cells it would never have grown it in the first place, therefore society is not losing anything it would have had otherwise. This parallels the right women have to terminate an undesired pregnancy.

I’m glad you raised the question about negative rights versus positive rights. You’ll note that in my initial argument I used the word, generally, because as with almost everything, exceptions do apply. Also I want to point out that the hypotheticals you posed are not examples of negative versus positive rights, but are rather examples of negative rights versus positive duties.This is the difference between saying you can do something, and you have to do something. It is inherently different when I say a woman does not have the right to kill her 3 year old than it is to say a woman must run into a burning building to save her 3 year old.

As your friendly neighborhood law student, I’m happy to take this opportunity to provide a crash course on tort law that you may find depressing. It’s much simpler in law to tell people they cannot do something than it is to tell them they have to do something. Criminal law in particular consists almost entirely of restrictions on what individuals can do, and where it is a criminal offense to not do something it is almost always a result of a citizen undertaking some kind of responsibility. For example: you want to drive a car, you have to take a test do demonstrate you know how. If you never wanted to drive a car you’d never have to take that test. The law in the US, in general, does not place a duty on citizens to assist other citizens. “Good Samaritan” laws don’t usually do what people think they do, for the most part, they function to protect doctors who happen to be on the scene and do help. They don’t require bystanders to run into a burning building or face down a gun holding robber.

In situations where law does place a burden to help, it recognizes a balancing of interests. In the legal world this is called the “Reasonable Person” standard. And the reasonable person is not who you may think. The reasonable person is not the average guy on the street, but rather the person that considers and balances risks and takes the absolute safest course. You are never required to risk your own life to save another, so in your example about the guy drowning and you’re on a boat with a life preserver, the law would recognize that you have a duty to throw the life preserver, but you would not have a duty to dive in and try to pull him out. Likewise, while the man with foreknowledge of an impending epidemic has the duty to call somebody, he does not have the duty to wage a one man war Bruce Willis style to destroy the organization responsible for the virus.

Also, I would like to note that while the law recognizes a duty in these situations, the duty is only a civil law duty. This means that the family of the drowning man might have a claim against you for negligence and they could receive monetary damages from you, but the government would not have a criminal case against you unless you had actually pushed the guy in the water. Your assertion that this would be manslaughter is wrong. So to your apparently rhetorical question of “Is this man guilty of no crime?” the answer according to the criminal legal system in place is a resounding “Not guilty.” I would no more put such a man to death than I would every German that knew the holocaust was going on but did nothing. However distasteful you may find an individuals lack of action, doing nothing to prevent a tragedy is not the same thing as causing a tragedy to happen, such people have some civil liability, but not the same criminal liability that actual negative actors do.

This is particularly important in the abortion discussion because there is no one that would be in a position to raise a civil law claim on behalf of a fetus if its parents don’t wish to have it. If the government doesn’t make it a criminal offense to not save a life, and there is no one to make a civil claim, what is left to discourage abortion?

My point in this is that society acknowledges that while the random individual member has some duty to another member that duty is minimal. You should help someone if you can, but you don’t have to if so doing will put yourself in a bad position. You have to throw a man a life preserver if you have one, but you don’t have to fly to New Orleans, get a boat and go a rescuing, even if you have the money to do so, this for the reason that it is burdensome. We clearly all accept this based on the evidence that when we see a tragedy in the news we don’t do a damn thing. Based on this same logic I would say that society requiring a woman to carry a child to term when she doesn’t want to would be placing an enormous burden on her when the only interest at stake is a single potential societal member I discussed above. It would be different if a woman could carry a child to term by making a phone call, as is all we would require of the hypothetical man that is in position to save us all from the plague.

Also, a woman deciding not to have child is inherently different from someone choosing not to save half the world population based again on the social contract theory, as I noted above, society and its members have a duty, and a self-interest in protecting its members that by far supersedes its duty and self-interest in protecting potential members. The difference hinges on valuing the freedom of choice versus the cost of that choice, you can choose not to bring a new person in the world with barely any impact on society, but choosing to allow half the population to die has a massive impact on society. It is reasonable then for society to allow one but not the other.

As far as society’s self interest goes; take this hypothetical for example, a woman has decided she is going to have 1 child in her life, she gets pregnant at 20 has no education, job, or money. She decides to have an abortion, finishes school, gets a good job and at 30 has another child which she nurtures and raises. Isn’t society’s interest better served by having a new member brought into the world by someone that can and desires to care for the child, and will nurture it in such a way as to make it much more likely to be a productive societal member? Especially in a case like that where the woman would not have had more than one child no matter what?

In this way I hope you see that the theories I have proposed are an extension of my notion of the social contract, and based upon it and not on a separate arbitrary standard.

I know this has gone incredibly long and I’ve doubtless raised many more questions, but in order to fully describe my theory I would have to write a several hundred page dissertation.

You can post these if you want, though i haven’t looked at your podcast yet. I do ask that at the top you place a notice saying that this represents an attempt to justify abortion from a purely societal standpoint and does not address the possibility of a higher morality or God which would by necessity change the entire nature of this discussion. This is an attempt at logic in a vacuum, please don’t consider this an attack on whatever religious beliefs you may hold. And as always as anonymous as possible

Mercedes Benz GL450

The Mercedes Benz Gl450 is a beautiful automobile. Mercedes Benz has come out with a full-size sport utility vehicle that is a late entry to the market, but with good reason: they spent a lot of time perfecting the Mercedes Benz GL450. Mercedes Benz GL450 As an SUV minded person myself, I can appreciate the beauty of the 2008 Mercedes Benz GL450 in all of it’s power and glory. In the following paragraphs, I will go through why exactly the Mercedes Benz GL450 is a must have vehicle.

Mercedes Benz has always been known for developing immaculately styled vehicles that impress. The Mercedes Benz GL450 has a very pretty wagon body that hides massively rugged on and off-road setup that makes this the pinnacle in comfort, while maintaining the strength and durability for hardcore mudbogging. The GL450 comes with a four wheel independent suspension with double wishbones up front and rear multi link suspension isolated on a subframe. The Mercedes Benz GL450 also sports airmatic springs that have on and off road modes as well as an active damping system that give it a much smoother ride. The new Benz has good quality 18 inch all season tires standard and very powerful 14 inch front disc brakes and 13 inch rear disc brakes. The Benz even is able to tow up to 7500 pounds behind it.

Many people question why they should purchase a big gas guzzling Mercedes Benz GL450 when gas prices are going up and the economy is going down. The top of the upscale market is still going strong as top executives, hedge fundRocking car managers and financiers still rake in enormous amounts of money and don’t care if gas costs $1 per gallon or $10 per gallon. The Mercedes Benz GL450 is not a vehicle meant for someone who is concerned about such trivial details. Mercedes Benz though is still leading the field in developing fuel efficient vehicles and they are planning on releasing the Mercedes-Benz GL320 diesel later in the year with much better fuel economy. Much more importantly, Mercedes is releasing more vehicles soon that will be fully compatible with newly developed environmentally friendly Bluetec diesel technology.

Mercedes Benz has really upstaged their previous vehicles with the new GL450. Mercedes certainly is not lacking in powerful motors, but they found it necessary to create a whole new V-8 to power this monster. The Mercedes Benz GL450 is powered by a 4.6 liter V-8 with 335 horsepower and 330 pound feet of torque. This gorgeous engine is controlled by a smooth seven-speed automatic transmission (no option for manual). The new Mercedes Benz GL450 has paddle shifting behind the steering wheel, which is a huge step up over their old side-to-side sport shifting. The Mercedes Benz GL450 weighs in at a massive 5000 pounds, but still can get up to 60 miles per hour in under 7.4 seconds and has a top speed of 130 miles per hour.New 2008 SUV Mercedes Benz GL450

The Mercedes Benz GL450 was originally intended to replace Mercedes other off road brands and so their creators made sure it had 8 inches of ground clearance and the hardware to survive tough offroading trips. The GL450 offers three open differentials front, center and rear that work with ABS braking to make sure wild wheelspin is never an issue. The GL450 also has newer technologies such as hill-start assist, downhill speed regulation and powerful 50-50 torque split that can go forward or back and side to side to maintain maximum amounts of control. At the push of a button the Mercedes Benz GL450 can switch from smooth on-road ride to a hardcore offroad machine.SUV made by Mercedes

As always, Mercedes Benz has ensured that the GL450 is very safe for it’s seven riders. Dual front airbags, and side airbags for both rows in the back protect your precious cargo. The GL450 also comes with stability control, Brake Assist and active front headrests standard.

What does such a beast of a vehicle cost? A fairly reasonable $55,000. The Suburban, Tahoe and other vehicles don’t even compare to the full features offered by Mercedes Benz in the GL450.

How do you entertain your kids while you take the beastly Mercedes Benz GL450 through it’s paces? The enormousBenz GL450 interior is full of all sorts of fun stuff that comes standard. The power front seats have an MP3 player with a 6 disc cd player and two zone climate control along with third row sun roof. Everyone will be comfortable and happy.

Extra features available for the Mercedes Benz GL450 include rear seat DVD player, rearview camera and a power tailgate. Great goods.

Other reviews that I have read online have described the Mercedes Benz GL450 as a glorious throwback to the heyday of the giant SUV. Some have even gone so far as to call it a slapped together vehicle that is ugly and unattractive. Most of them comment on the Mercedes Benz GL450 COMMAND cockpit management system that is just incredible. It gives full data systems, power tailgate and helm-mounted fingertip shifting just wear the driver needs it. The GL450 has been described as having no difficulty cruising at over a hundred miles an hour.

The Mercedes Beautiful Mercedes SUVBenz GL450 is truly an athletic behemoth to behold and if you don’t allow environmentalist quirks to penetrate your thick jock skull, you will love it to death. The 14 miles per gallon fuel efficiency provided by the GL450 is almost as bad as driving an M1 Abram tank.

People who have owned the new 2008 Mercedes Benz GL450 have raved about it’s capabilities. Owners warn that purchasers should upgrade from the “environmentally safe” vinyl seats to leather because the vinyl has a tendency to get sticky after long car rides. Go take the Mercedes Benz GL450 for a test drive yourself!

DeMotivational Posters | Motivation Posters & Pictures

Super funny update: I found this extremely cheap book on Amazon with TONS of demotivational posters. Take a look at it!

I’m sure some of you have seen some of the demotivational posters floating around the internet, but I love them so I brought together a collection of some of the better de-motivational posters that I have been able to spot. Demotivational posters are hilarious takeoffs of the motivational posters that many schools and workplaces post all over the place and make people generally feel ill. I think that a nice big dose of de-motivation is needed for us all. Check out my anti-motivational posters! Also, I added a bunch more sexy demotivational posters to the bottom of this post.

January 23, 2013- I just added new sexy demotivational posters, look below:

Captain James Kirk motivation posters

Motivation poster entertaining hilarity

Change Motivational Poster: I think I would be a little nervous if I was the guy in this motivation poster with a shark circling around me.

Motivational poster of man about to be eaten by shark.

Delusion Motivation Poster of a poor guy who looks like he is about to be in deep, deep water.

Motivation poster about delusion with man on hang glider

Anti-Motivational Poster: Podcasting is my thing, so I figured I’d poke fun of myself first.

sexy demotivational posters

Demotivation Poster: Blogging I have been blogging for a while now and this really cracks me up.

Homeless motivation posters… that poor guy looks a little numb at this point.

Motivation poster

Demotivation Poster: Flattery Welcome to the american workforce.


De-Motivational Poster: Goals I love the look on this kids face. That’s intensity.

Anti-Motivation Posters: Indifference Men are not disposable.

Anti-Motivational Poster: Individuality The snowflakes are pretty and nice.


De-Motivational Poster: Intimidation It’s great to be big.


Anti-Motivation Posters: Leaders I am a great leader in america lol.

Demotivation Poster: Limitations I hate when people get too big for their britches.

Chuck Norris has a funny demotivational poster too:

Chuck norris motivation wallpaper and quotes

Demotivational wallpaper: limitations.

Anti-Motivational Poster: Meetings There is nothing worse in the entire world than pointless meetings and committees that do nothing. I think most of you out in the workplace can agree with the King of America on that, right?
Sexy motivational posters help me understand the world.
De-Motivational Poster: Teamwork I enjoy playing in the snow with people that are fun.
Motivational posters that are sexy are not demotivational posters.
Anti-Motivation Posters: Achievement I love enddless supplies of hard physical labor.
Motivational posters are located in the United States, Europe and Australia.
Anti-Motivation Posters: Power

Demotivation Poster: Success

Anti-Motivational Poster: Change in the life of man.


Anti-Motivation Posters: Discovery of new territories is fun.
Sexy motivational posters starring Deano and other fun people.
De-Motivational Poster: Persistence is what is needed to succeed, right?

Motivational poster by Joel Gross and his friends
Anti-Motivation Posters: Retirement… how true!

Sexy demotivational poster in the world at large.
Anti-Motivational Poster: Nepotism

Demotivational posters and sexy motivational posters rule the roost.
De-Motivational Poster: Get to work!
Dominatingly sexy motivational poster helps me see the world.
Anti-Motivation Posters: Bad luck… aww criminy.

Sexy demotivational posters are located on this page with other fun motivational poster.
Anti-Motivation Posters:Bravery

Anti-Motivational Poster: Bunnies are for eating


Anti-Motivation Posters:
Sexy demotivational posters and poster for motivational purposes for me.
De Motivational Posters: Curiousity For some sick reason, I think the sexy demotivational poster below is my favorite one. How incredibly gross is that?


De Motivational Posters: “Sure, they look cute now”

Anti-Motivational Poster: Desperation


De-motivational Posters: Diplomacy

Sexy De-motivational Posters:

De Motivational Posters: Motivation poster for the masses.

Hot De-Motivational Poster: Fear

Anti-Motivational Poster: Gym Teacher Hahaha I love this one.

Creepy funny demotivational wallpaper of cougar man/woman/thing

demotivational wallpaper with inspirational posters of funny people dressing weird.

Fake Motivational Poster of man watching television with his children.

Fake demotivational poster of a man watching TV with his kids.  Very funny and would make a good demotivational wallpaper

Demotivational poster of man with face in urinal looking very uncomfortable.

Demotivational poster with guy having his face in a toilet.

Jiu-Jitsu Funny Demotivation Poster- Two guys having an intimate moment. Sexy motivation posters for all those guy’s who are really into other guys.

demotivational poster

Funny nerd inspiring wallpaper with small dorkie looking man with a tall but drunk blonde supermodel

inspirational demotivating poster

Shampoo inspirational poster maker with woman having her hair nastily caked around her head.Demotivational poster of inspirational wallpaper and woman having nasty hair.

I hope you enjoyed my giant list of sexy demotivational posters, funny motivational poster and anti-motivational quotes. I love reading these and laughing out loud at how funny motivational posters can be. If you have any favorite sexy motivational posters, let me know and I will be overjoyed to post them on my blog post here.

Justin James Band

My younger brother, Justin, has begun to fancy himself a rocker of late. He has had no voice or guitar lessons yet, but went to an open mike and played two self-written songs. Check them out below.

The Family Song

Hellsmoke

Hmm… I think that “Smelly Cat” from Friends is a little bit better though.

Steroids & Abortion

My wrists are sore so I am doing my usual post via podcast. This video is a bit long, but I will get better at doing these videos eventually. Please feel free to leave comments as usual.

Root Canal & Insurance

My orthodontist, Dr. William J Harris in Tacoma, did a root canal on me a little over a year ago. The root canal has some sort of problem and has become infected, so Dr. Harris sent me to a specialist named Dr. Tim Bachman who has an office in Fremont. Dr. Bachman looked at it this morning and said that it hasn’t healed and has some sort of infection that needs work. So now Dr. Bachman is going to redo the root canal done by Dr. Harris and I may lose the tooth.

The worst part is that I just discovered my dental insurance only covers $1,000 per year and that this procedure will cost me $500 out of pocket…. AND if I need any other dental work done this year, the cost will come out of my pocket.

I am one unhappy man.

Best Beer Cheers and Drunk Toasts

Super Funny UPDATE: Check out this very cheap book on Amazon with 1,500 Toasts

Funny beer toasts and drunk cheers can really break the ice at a party. Many people though are not good at delivering these hilarious drunk speeches and need a bit of advice. I recommend that you be confident, speak loudly and clearly and have a drink in your hand ready to go. My friend Mike Comer delivered some great beer toasts this weekend at a housewarming party. Hearing him inspired me to make a list of some of the best beer cheers, bar toasts and drunken speeches I could find. Cheers to the toasts below!toast

Great Drinking Toasts: When you are drinking, you sometimes need a good toast. Below I have collected some of the best drinking toasts I could find.

“Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends!” Mike Comer

“Here’s to women’s kisses,
and to whiskey, amber clear;
not as sweet as a woman’s kiss,
but a damn sight more sincere.”

“To Woman — She needs no eulogy — she speaks for herself. ” Every Man

“Here’s to woman! Would that we could fall
into her arms without falling into her hands.” Ambrose Pierce

“Of all my favorite things to do,
The utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer’s so frothy, smooth and cold–
It’s paradise–pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me…
That’s all for now, I gotta pee!”

“MEN, start your livers!”

“Here’s to the ideal woman; Who could ask for more? She’s deaf ‘n dumb, oversexed, and owns a liquor store.”

“Today we celebrate all the good things you have found in each other, a best friend, a lover, a teacher, a playmate and a true partner in life. Cheers!”

“Here’s to ___, May he live respected and die regretted”

“Here’s to Hell! May my stay there be as much fun as my way there!”

“He that buys land buys many stones.Beer Cheers
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.”

“Here’s to those who sit when they pee.
We love ’em in leather,
We love ’em in lace,
But we love ’em the best when they sit on our face!”

Drunk guy: Here’s hoping you’re in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you’re dead.
Drunk girl: What’s that mean?
Drunk guy: It’s an Irish toast.
Drunk girl: Oh. Well, here’s to bread, eggs and cinnamon.
Drunk guy: Huh?
Drunk girl: That’s French toast.
” He that buys land buys many stones.Toasts with booze
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.”

Champagne costs too much,
Whiskey’s too rough,
Vodka puts big mouths in gear.
This little refrain
Should help to explain
Why it’s better to order a beer!

For every wound, a balm.
For every sorrow, cheer.
For every storm, a calm.
For every thirst, a beer

Here’s to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here’s to the widow of fifty;
Here’s to the flaunting, extravagant queen,
And here ‘s to the housewife that’s thrifty!
Let the toast pass;
Drink to the lass;
I’ll warrant she’ll prove an excuse for the glass.
Gentlemen, start your livers!
I used to know a clever toast,
But now I cannot think it,
So fill your glass to anything,
And damn your souls, I’ll drink it!
May your coffin have six handles of finest silver! May your coffin be carried by six fair young maids!
And may your coffin be made of finest wood
from a 100-year-old tree
that I’ll go plant tomorrow!
When the hour is nigh me,Dancing midget toasts
Let me in a tavern die,
With a tankard by me. “Gentlemen, I bid you, a toast to our wives
Who make our lives complete
Drink to those women who love us well
so beautiful and sweet
May God grant this wish
the twain shall never meet!”

“To Truthful Woman: Here’s to the love that lies in woman’s eyes….. And lies, and lies, and lies. ”

Here’s to the women who love me terribly,
May they soon improve.

“Of all my favorite things to do,
The utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer’s so frothy, smooth and cold–
It’s paradise–pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me…
That’s all for now, I gotta pee!”

Here¯¿½s to a long life and a happy one.Too much cheers
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer and another one!

“Here’s to the King! What King? Fuh-King!

Awesome Beer Cheers: When you’re drinking beer you often want to cheers. The best beer cheers on the internet are collected below for your amusement and pleasure. Warning: Use carefully, many people do not approve of these toasts and cheers.

“Here’s to the guy who is never blue,
Here’s to the buddy who is ever true,
Here’s to the pal, no matter what the load,
Who never declines, just one for the road.”

“Here’s to honor-
Get on her,
Stay on her,
And if you can’t cum in her,
Cum on her.
Here’s to the hole that never heals,
The more you rub it the better it feels,
And all the soap this side of hell,
Won’t wash away that fishy smell”Merry Christmas Holiday Cheers

“Life is a jest and all things show it I thought so once and now I know it.”

“Here’s to you and here’s to me, And here’s to all the girls that lick us where we pee!”

“Champagne costs too much,
Whiskey’s too rough,
Vodka puts big mouths in gear.
This little refrain
Should help to explain
Why it’s better to order a beer!”

Drunk Speeches: Occasionally you need to go on a drunken ramble. Here are some of the finest drunk speeches given by man and recommended for your usage and inspiration.

“I have known Jeremy for six years, ever since he and I started university together. During this time he has been a source of great companionship, many enjoyable nights out, and occasionally some very high scoring coursework.”

“To women and horses, And the men that ride them!”

“The girl of my dreams has dyed her hair,
And now it’s a fiery red.
She drinks, she smokes, and she tells dirty jokes;
She hasn’t a brain in her head
The girl of my dreams is a cigarette fiend,
She drinks more booze than I.
But the girl of my dreams ain’t as dumb as she seems …
She’s the sweetheart of six other guys.”

“Man on top of woman hasn’t long to stay.
His head is full of business and his ass is full of play.
He goes in like a lion and comes out like a lamb.
He buttons up his pants and doesn’t give a damn.”

“A mighty pain to love it is,
And ’tis a pain that pain to miss;
But, of all pains, the greatest pain,
Is to love, but love in vain.”

” Here’s to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here’s to the widow of fifty;
Here’s to the flaunting, extravagant queen,
And here ‘s to the housewife that’s thrifty!
Let the toast pass;
Drink to the lass;
I’ll warrant she’ll prove an excuse for the glass.”

” But if at church they give some ale
And a pleasant fire for our souls to regale
We’d sing and we’d pray all the live long day
Nor ever once from the church to stray.”

Top Rules for Dudes: “Dudiquette”

1. Cat or small dog ownership has been banned was banned by the Dude Convention of 1837. Any person who places dog in articles of clothing must be informed of their abusive, negligent and inhumane behavior immediately.Dog wearing skirt

2. If a friend is attacked by more than one person, a very large person, or is too intoxicated to defend himself, you are required to jump in on his side. Exceptions include if your buddy is attacked by a large woman or the situation is otherwise hilarious.
3. Threesome may only consist of two woman and one man.
4. “Calling” a girl is forbidden. May the best man win.
5. You must wait at least 10 minutes for any man who is late. If a woman is late, you should wait 5 minutes for every point she has on the hotness 1-10 scale.
6. If a friend’s sister or mother is anywhere close to cute, you may feel free to comment on her appearance to him. He, however, reserves the right to take physical action.
7. Memory of a family member or friend’s birthday is optional, memory of a girlfriends birthday is mandatory.
8. Criticizing a friend may only be performed in private, unless that criticism is too humorous to pass up.
9. If provided free alcohol, you are never allowed to criticize it.
1Girl Working Out0. When working out, you must strictly observe the following rules:
-No loud grunting or other noise unless you are the strongest person in the weight room.
-No loading up the leg press and pretending that you are Arnold Schwarzenegger. The leg press exercise is in no way an accurate reflection of actual strength.

-No staring at your newfound muscles in the mirror and absolutely no ogling of other men. You may stare at any woman in the weight room for as long as you please and they may do the same to you as long as motivation is derived from such activity

-If you are an overly sweaty person, you must carefully clean each exercise machine after use and may not ever play on the “skins” team on the basketball court.
-Stinky hippies, short shorts and spandex are strictly forbidden. Under Armour counts as spandex unless you are playing football and need it under your pads.
-If anyone asks to work in with you on a machine, you must say yes and be polite.
-Spotters are not allowed to yell or talk loudly. Allow the person lifting to concentrate and don’t make the rest of the weight room think you area douche fag.
-Frog hops may appear to be fruity, but must be respected for their strength building capability.

Sarah Silverman & Ben Affleck Vs. Jimmy Kimmel & Matt Damon

Really funny video by Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon singing “I’m F$&^%ng Matt Damon”

Jimmy Kimmel called all of his celeb friends and made a video response to Matt Damon F*&ng his girlfriend.