joelx.com Database Upgrade

I just upgraded my blog’s database from Mysql 4 to Mysql 5.‚  If anyone notices anything not working properly, PLEASE LET ME KNOW IMMEDIATELY! I can be reached through the comments on any blog post (which I have tested). I am also adding a plugin on so that you will be able to find related posts at the end of each blog entry.‚  If you have any issues with that, please let me know too.

Thanks for reading!

“Evil Empire” Microsoft Patents ‘Page Up’ & ‘Page Down’ Buttons

In 2005, Microsoft applied for a patent on the ‘Page Up’ and ‘Page Down’ buttons and on August 19, 2008 the US government granted them the patent.‚  Microsoft, also known as the “Evil Empire”, has a long history of stealing other people’s ideas and trying to patent them, including “double-clicking buttons” and the mouse scroll wheel.‚  The ‘Page up’ and ‘Page down’ buttons have actually been around since 1982 when they appeared on an IBM keyboard.

Screw Microsoft.

Sesame Street Goes Ghetto

Due to a lack of viewers, Sesame Street has decided to seek a new audience- urban males between the ages of 18-27.

HAHHAHAH I love Sesame Street!

Lot Loans

Nick has more interesting information on commercial lot loans in a recent post. I am a fan of his blog.

NFL “Fantasy File” Marketing & Advertising Campaign ROCKS!

How do you best sell the most popular sport in America to even more people? Doing so is a very tough proposition, but the NFL has recently come out with the most brilliant marketing and advertising campaign I have seen in a long time. The NFL simply has it’s superstar athletes perform superhuman feats. In some of the ads, receivers catch multiple balls without looking, in other ads giant men run through walls. Really an amazingly effective marketing campaign! One of the best uses of viral advertising that I have seen to do date. I have collected some of the NFL’s advertisements, known as the “Fantasy File” below:

Jason Campbell’s NFL Fantasy File:

In the following video, Jason Campbell shows his amazing arm strength and accuracy, hitting two receivers with passes at the same time… by knocking one football in the air with another so both footballs land in Campbell’s receivers hands.

Andre Johnson’s NFL Fantasy File:

Andre Johnson, an NFL wide receiver, starts by loading a football into a passing machine and then stands next to it till it launches the football 60 yard through the air… then sprints down the field, outracing the football and catching it deep. Amazing athleticism.

Neil Rackers NFL Fantasy File:

A kicker in the NFL, Neil Rackers shows that kickers aren’t all “retards”, like Peyton Manning once called Vanderjagt. In the following video, Neil Rackers kicks 4 footballs in a row from the 50 yard line… and makes the first two hit the left upright and the next two hit the right upright. Holy freaking cow.. these guys have more physical talent than I have ever seen.

Chris Chambers NFL Fantasy File

A stud receiver for the San Diego Chargers, Chris Chambers here shows the best hands on a receiver I have seen in a long time. Watch what he pulls off in the video below:

Chris Simms NFL Fantasy File

Chris Simms shows off his great arm accuracy by landing two footballs in garbage cans from 50 yards, then landing a football in a moving garbage can on a truck and finally by throwing a ball that hits the crossbar of the field goal uprights.

Mike Nugent’s Fantasy File

The New York Jet’s kicker shows the strength & accuracy of his bigtime leg by kicking 4 footballs into a stack of garbage cans 50 yards away, hammering them down. Less impressive than Neil Rackers stunts, but still pretty darned cool.

Braylon Edwards Fantasy File

So you thought some of the other receivers skills were cool? Wait till you watch Braylon Edwards and his Jedi receiving skills. Braylon Edwards puts on a blindfold in this Fantasy Files video and proceeds to catch 5 balls just by using the force (or hearing I guess).

David Akers Fruitcake Fantasy File

David Akers shows why he is the kicker for the Philedelphia Eagles in the following video where he demonstrates his kicking abilities. Not as cool as Neil Rackers Fantasy Files though.

Chris Cooley AWESOME Fantasy File

Chris Cooley shows up everyone else in the following fantasy files football video by standing on the other side of a solid wall and punching through it to catch a football in the air then tearing his arm and the football back through the wall.

Mason Crosby Best Kicker Fantasy File

Mason Crosby accomplishes the coolest feat yet by a kicker when he kicks 3 footballs 40 yards to ring a bell on top of a tower. Top about strength and accuracy…

Marc Bulger Fantasy Football File

Marc Bulger demonstrates in devastating fashion his fantasy football value by throwing footballs at a down marker and changing it each time he hits it. The final one to go back to 1st down he does behind his back. I think I just fell in love with Marc Bulger.

Laurence Maroney Fantasy Football File

The New England Patriots running back Laurence Maroney demonstrates why he should be on your fantasy football team by diving headfirst through one window of an SUV and out the other without touching anything inside. Laurence Maroney is way cooler than Batman.

Wow.‚  I think I will pick all of them for my WCFL fantasy football league.

These “Fantasy Files” videos are brilliantly made and are going to provide the NFL with a huge amount of free advertising.‚  Most big companies and organizations have completely missed the boat with most of the potential created by new media, but the NFL apparently has hired an advertising and marketing agency that sees it crystal clear.‚  I would love to find out who’s brainchild the NFL Fantasy Files video series was…‚  He or she is one of the best in the business when it comes to marketing.

Electric Water Temperature Gauge

The Electric Water Temperature Gauge is an effective tool to keep track of your trucks electric water temperature. Knowing the temperature will definitely benefit you because you can make sure that the water is not freezing or overheating. Any driver without one will be greatly disappointed when their vehicle fails. This device also comes with a lifetime warranty which is another great feature.

Atlanta School District of Clayton County Loses Accreditation

A school district in Clayton County has had its accreditation revoked for not meeting basic standards of education. Mark Elgart, the president of the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools, announced that Clayton County and it’s 50,000 students would lose accreditation on Thursday. Clayton County Superintendent John Thompson, on hearing that over 2,000 students have already been withdrawn from the school system, said, “A storm came through and now the sun is shining.” Hmmm… Not sure how being the first school in 40 years to lose your accreditation counts as the “sun shining”, but to each his own.

So what do Clayton County school district students have to say about this?

One real student in the Clayton County School District actually posted this comment on the ajc.com website:

this is some bull ** i am a 10 grader at nchs an we just lost are ***** accreditation. wat type of ** is this. u mutha ***as aint thinkin bout us wit yall ignerate ***** b***s.
-nchs student

HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAA… That was actually a REAL comment! I don’t think I could have invented better comments than that… but maybe I’ll give it a shot:

Us Clayton County School District students umberstand how to reed and rite. Me edumacation have been sooper!” – Clark County School District Student

FOOTBALL! FOOTBALLL! FOOOOOOOOTBALLLLL!!” Clayton County School District Student-Athlete

OOOOOOOGAAA BOOOOGAAAA OOOMPA LOOMPADEEEEDOOOOO” another Clayton County School District student

Do I still get my benefits and automatic annual salary increase?” Clayton County School District Teacher

I bought my Lamborghini with my own savings that I got from… errr…. my… DOESN’T MATTER!‚  I DID NOT SCREW OVER THE CLARK COUNTY SCHOOL DISTRICT AND SIPHON FUNDS TO OVERSEAS BANK ACCOUNTS!” Clayton County Schools Superintendent John Thompson

The other comments on the ajc.com post actually get even more ridiculous than the ones that I made up.‚  Most of them are full of venomous racism aimed at the population of folks living inside of Clayton County.‚  The ignorant racists forget that their own trashy school districts are only marginally better performing than Clark County and that most of the South should have their school districts completely revamped due to rampant corruption and extremely poor standards of education.

What do you guys think about the Clark County School District losing its accreditation?

Great Photoshop Lampoon

I found this great lampoon of Iraqi oil money done in Photoshop… even though I disagree with the sentiment.

george bush wants iraqi oil money
george bush wants iraqi oil money

Everyone Loves a Pretty Boy…

Everyone loves a pretty boy
Everyone loves a pretty boy

Kind of makes me want to fly to New York City and dive under a subway car.