I just had to spend $1218 to get my piece of shit ’99 Ford Contour fixed. My junkyard-on-wheels COST me $2800 3 years ago. The Kelley Blue Book value on it right now is $2,465. I spent half of what the damn thing is worth fixing it!
On my ride home, I got to thinking about what I could have bought instead with my $1200:
-120 pounds of beef jerky. Aaaaarrr!
-A bottle of fine Johnny Walker Blue scotch, an 8-ball of uncut cocaine and the best fucking hooker in Seattle. What an night I missed out on.
-A 42 inch plasma HDTV. Football season would’ve been heavenly.
-800 6-pack packages of Pez. I would probably then owe my orthodontist a fortune though.
-400 bottles of the king of wines: 3 Buck Chuck. I could’ve had a bottle of wine a night for over a year!!!
-$20,000. Or $0. After I bet it all on 7 black at the Muckleshoot Indian Casino.
What did I get instead of the treasures I listed above?
-Front brakes & rotors repaired.
-Back brakes changed.
-Oil changed.
-Spark plugs replaced.
-Starter replaced.
-Fisted by Fucking Firestone & Friends. Les Schwab joined in for 3-some action.
a fine hooker, eh?
You’re going to need one after tonight, buddy.