Wedding Gossip

“Every trip needs it’s villain”.

Laurel and I came to sun drenched and tropical Tulum, Mexico for Jeremy’s destination wedding this last week.

Daniel, the angry investment banker “glamped” in a tent in town. Andy brought his hallucinogens, hammock for sleeping in the woods to save money, and his Mormon girlfriend.¬†Jeremy paid for his kindly redneck dad and family to attend. Dorothy’s nice conservative Romanian Christian parents reluctantly came.

We swam in a cenote – basically an underground cave and saw thousands of bats roosting on the ceiling. Jeremy told Dorothy’s dad, Toma, that he would have to swim underwater and surface only to breathe poisonous air. Toma decided not to go in. Turned out you never had to go underwater and the only problem with the air was it smelled like a hamster cage from all the bats.

Levi and Jenny were scarcely seen as Montezuma’s Revenge set in early. A couple of days later, their dog¬†escaped from Jenny’s parents house and was eaten by a coyote.

Jeremy’s dad, Jay, said he liked to ski (referencing waterskiing). Rich said, “You mean like hollywood skiing?” with a finger to his nose making a snorting gesture. Jay replied, “I’ve never done cocaine, drink is my poison.”

Toma, the successful real estate agent, joined us for Jeremy’s bachelor day on a catamaran. Andy sat cross-legged in front of him and said, “I got my real estate license because I hate real estate agents and can’t imagine paying one.” Toma just stared at him.

Every gas station had a scam. At my first gas station, I ran into the “I thought you requested premium gas” scam. I sat at the pump and told them I was calling headquarters till they added $10 more gas free of charge. They probably scam enough tourists to make it worth it to give up if anyone fights back.

Jeremy got tired of people’s questions early. Dorothy took over routing all of the friends and family into the hotel.

Andy’s Mormon girlfriend did not speak to anyone and told Andy, “You said all of your friends were super intelligent, they all just seem stupid to me.” Andy passed this along to the rest of us and so everyone loved to hate her after that, leading to Jeremy commenting “Every trip needs a villain”.

The wedding itself was beautiful, outside of a hotel with a 270 degree view of the turquoise ocean. We had delicious ceviche and tacos and giant margaritas in coconuts. Jeremy and Dorothy wrote their own vows, which included a commitment to building a commune. The vows were quite good.

Jeremy told Dorothy I didn’t approve of their marriage. Not true – I think Dorothy is amazing and great for Jeremy. Jeremy had told me a few months ago that he was thinking about asking Dorothy to marry him. He had told me she could be quite difficult. I told him I dated Tara, who was quite difficult and that relationship didn’t work out for me. He took that to mean I disapproved. He forgot that I had ended with “I like Dorothy and think you should get married”.

Conclusion: strong personalities that don’t hold much consideration for others leads to interesting drama and later fun gossip.

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Joel Gross

Joel Gross is the CEO of Coalition Technologies.

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