I received an email from the Black Rooster yesterday telling me his little brother is going to start UK’s first fraternity and asking me if I could remember any rules from my time in a frat. Being a good-natured fraternity man, I helped him out by sending him the following 12 rules of a fraternity.
12 Frat Rules:
- Purchase Hollister hemp choker necklaces and distribute to all members
- Find five fat girls to show up to every party, and even on nights when nothing happens
Purchase detergent soap and distribute to all members to wash sharpie off skin
- Find a silly event in the ancient past to base your fraternity’s morals on so that you can haze freshmen more easily
- Recruit one smart guy to cheat off when necessary
- Stick with one race of guys, though make sure to have at least one token guy of another race to prevent judgements of racism
- Find one douchey guy willing to be President and take the heat when the police bust the party
- Grow a beer gut by your fourth year
- Provide group showers for ample ogling activities and occasional rape/”hazing” opportunities
- Learn to chew
- Recruit at least one meathead to back members up in fights
- Build your fraternity house like a hospital so it is easy to hose out the puke, spilled booze, blood and trash on a weekly basis.