I just spotted the headline on ESPN.com and read the article on three University of North Carolina college football players who were sexually attacked. Apparently, a man and two women robbed and sexually assaulted three college football players. Prosecutors have made a statement that the three players and the two women met at a bar in downtown Chapel Hill and came home. One player was drunk and went to his room. The other two guys had “some consensual sexual contact with the women”, but got weirded out and told them to quit. The details of the event are sketchy here, but apparently the police arrived soon after and the two victims were tied up, wearing boxer shorts. Two of the players were sexually assaulted and the final police report has not yet been released with details on the third man. Below are photographs of the three accused:
Left to right: Tnika Monta Washington, 29, Monique Jenice Taylor, 28, Michael Troy Lewis, 32
Bad Jokes Disclaimer: Sexual assault is a terrible, horrible thing and we don’t know all the details of what happened yet. I am a tad confused at how three massive college football players get raped though. I will update this as more information comes out.
In the meantime, I have some questions….
-These are big-time college football players, basically gods on their own campuses… so why in the world are they having ANY consensual sexual contact with these women?! Did they SEE them? The one looks like she weighs 400 lbs! Maybe they were trying to recruit her to help them win a game or two next year. The other one looks like she was tossed out of the Ugly Airplane and banged her head on every airplane made since the Wright brothers first flight.
-One player told the women to stop touching him and both of them started hitting him in the head. C’mon dude, your JOB is to hit people. Knock the hell out of those hideous bitches.
-Question: How many UNC college football players does it take to fight off two women?
Answer: North Carolina has a football team?
-The names of the players haven’t been released, but my guess is they were on defense. UNC didn’t stop anybody all year long… ugh that was bad. Sorry. I am trying to resist.
-The two football players were tied down BEFORE the man arrived. I bet it was the huge chick, she could probably squash me too.
-UNC Football coach Butch Davis made two statements after hearing about this,
“I am relieved that the players were uninjured. We will assist them in any way we can.”
“The University of North Carolina football program is proud to extend two full athletic scholarships to Tnika Monta Washington and to Monique Jenice Taylor.”
Enough. I feel like I should go wash my soul now.