King of America: Short Man Syndrome

Cartoon of short man syndromePost Disclaimer: I am 6’6”, but actually believe that I may suffer from a version of short man syndrome myself. I tend to be competitive and aggressive and occasionally assault tall men, because, “they were judging me.”

For years I have noticed that people who are short or were short when they were young are often much more aggressive than the rest of the human population.… read more “King of America: Short Man Syndrome”

King of America: Policy on Suicide

In America we have several basic rights: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We have the freedom to either try to be happy (making money, chasing women, running marathons) or to not be happy (anything goth). Americans have the liberty to do most anything that they please: pick their nose, create militias, drive cars, eat McDonald’s till they are too fat to get out of bed or just do nothing.… read more “King of America: Policy on Suicide”

Why Joel Doesn’t Vote

I have had discussions with two people recently who have criticized me for not voting, so I think I should clarify why I don’t.

Ever since I was a small child, I have been an avid student of history, economics and politics. I have constantly put my beliefs to the test and have changed them when I found they couldn’t withstand the hot fires of reason.… read more “Why Joel Doesn’t Vote”

King Of America: Policy on Sports & Crime

When I take over my duties as King of America, I will be instituting a series of policies meant to resolve the major issues facing our nation today. Today, I am going to discuss my beautiful solution that kills two big problems with one stone: Crime and lack of entertainment.

America right now has over 2.2… read more “King Of America: Policy on Sports & Crime”

King of America

I have decided that I am going to be the first King of America.

King of America will be a new branch of the government like the Presidency, Supreme Court and Legislature; only it will reside above these. Why do we need a new branch of the government you ask? Every so often someone needs to just step up and make decisions without worrying about what anyone thinks.… read more “King of America”