Halloween Part Dos: Who are these people?!

Scottie B had a big halloween party at his house by Ravenna last night that Fletcher and I attended. Fletch went as the 70’s porn star again and I also stuck with my unwholesome priest outfit. Scottie B was a hilarious looking David Bowie, complete with wig, makeup and really tight pants.

When I first arrived at the party, a “mile high club” stewardess and a slutty maid came up to me and said that they knew me. I had no idea who they were. I sometimes forget how many acquaintances I have; tons of people kept coming up to me at the party that I didn’t really remember and talking to me like I was their best friend. I asked the stewardess where she knew me from and she said, “Becky”. She said that I had been party hopping with Fletch and Becky about a year ago and had gone to her house. Her name was Katie and I then remembered that she was supposed to be one of Becky’s good friends. Then she mentioned that she knew how Becky and I had broken up… really awkward (I stole her email password and she found out)… Katie kept talking to me though and started to become flirtatious. I was blown away- what the hell? I dated your good friend and it ended very badly, but you are interested?!?! Too weird for me, I excused myself and went to talk to other people.

I was out in the living room, looking at all the outfits, when Scott and a couple of girls came up to me and told me to follow them to do a “waterfall”. I didn’t know what this was and so I said sure and followed them. I was handed two red keg cups, one half full of beer and the other half full of some clear liquid and instructed to pour the beer into the clear liquid and then pound. I sniffed the clear liquid and it smelled vaguely of mouthwash and I thought it was probably a shot of some liqueur mixed with at least 4 shots of water. One of the girls yelled, “Pound!” so I dropped the beer into the mix and then drank it. When I was finished, I felt like I had eaten a whole tube of toothpaste and I asked, “What the hell was that?” They pointed to a bottle in a brown paper sack. I pulled it out and it was 100 proof Rumple Minze. I had just pounded about 5 shots of hard booze. Ugh. I didn’t want to drink much, so when my stomach started to burn and rumble two minutes later, I was more than happy to go outside and empty that nasty shit out of my belly outside.

I came back inside with a terrible taste in my mouth, but at least I wouldn’t be hungover today. Fletch came and found me and said that he and Rachel (who dressed in a bride’s gown covered in blood with a big knife) were going to go to the hippy party and that if I wanted to join them, I had to leave then. I decided I’d stay and hang out for a while more and then walk up the hill to join them.

All night long, a smoking hot “soccer ref” had kept telling me that she knew me from somewhere. I told her it was probably just one of Scott’s parties, but she kept at it. The situation started to get weird when she kept following me from room to room, talking to me and hanging onto my arm and complimenting me… all while her boyfriend kept looking uncomfortable and watching us. I felt bad for the guy and would politely separate her from me and go talk to other people, but she kept finding her way back to me to talk. I forgot my digital camera at home, but I had been taking photos of people with my cell phone camera. She wanted me to take a picture of the two of us, so I took one, but she said it was too dark and we needed to go into a brighter room. I followed her into the kitchen and held out the camera phone and took the picture. I could feel her holding me really tight and kind of doing something weird. When I looked at the picture I was doing my funny priest pose, but she wasn’t looking at the camera, her face was pointed up towards mine looking to be kissed. Why do women always seem to come after you when you are in a relationship and ignore you when you are looking? Anyways, I ditched her at this point and decided that I should leave for the hippy party. I made my rounds saying good-bye to everyone and when I was about to leave, she found me again and told me that we had to figure out how we knew each other and put her number in my cell phone and called herself (presumably so she’d have my number). She gave me a giant hug then and as she was hanging on, I looked up and saw her boyfriend watching us… poor guy.

I walked up the hill to the hippy party, but Fletch and Rachel had already left, so I just said hi to some folks and started to walk back to my car. On my way, this girl who sort of looked like Melanie (short black hair, cute, hipster) started talking to me and we joked back and forth about each others outfits for a little bit. She seemed nice, but as I kept walking, I started to realize that she was following me. When I got to my car, we stopped and she asked me where I was going and I said home. She just stood there watching me uncomfortably for a second and I said, “Have a great halloween, bye” and she replied, “Oh… you’re lame. Want to go party at my place?”

“… Um… Thanks, but I should go home.” I met this girl 10 minutes ago randomly on the street and she wants me to go with her?!

I must’ve been putting off some crazy sex pheromones or maybe it being halloween put something in the air last night. I wonder if this is how girls feel when guys aggressively pursue them; I was faintly scared that I was going to be assaulted… and I am a giant man. Women must be scared to death half the time. If I was a girl, I’d carry a gun or Mace.

Published by

Joel Gross

Joel Gross is the CEO of Coalition Technologies.

2 thoughts on “Halloween Part Dos: Who are these people?!”

  1. let me clarify this for you joel:

    this strange night of yours had nothing to do with you and more to do with what you were wearing, as we say at nordstrom, the person doesnt make the clothes the clothes make the person, your new found priesthood has opened your eyes to what all saints experience in their daily walk of life and the temptation they face on a hourly basis

  2. I think the man makes the clothes. I could be in homeless person rags, butt naked or in a Big Bird costume and I’d still be irresistible. 😉

    Or maybe lots of women have this weird, sexual response to men who supposedly have sworn not to sleep with women. It’s a part of the whole wanting what you can’t have thing.

Comments are closed.