One more reason why I am a legend…

Fletch and I went out to the bars in Belltown on Friday night and I made him a bet.

I told him I could get one of the two semi-cute girls at the table behind us to willingly put salt in her drink. He said no way, so I turned around and went to work.

“Is that a whiskey coke?” I asked

“No, It’s a ginger ale & vodka”, she replied with a seductive smile.

Putting on my best charming face back, I commented, “Oh, have you ever tried that with salt? It really helps balance the flavors out.”

“Really! I’ll try that!”

So within 25 seconds of first starting the conversation, I salted her drink and then told her to stir it up and see if she could taste the difference.

“Oh yes, this is good!”

I love gullible people.

My Ideal Woman

No, she’s not a lean supermodel.

She is a 6’5”, 200 pound WNBA star who has a brilliant mind.

“Gross!”, you say?

That’s my last name, thank you very much.

Why would I want such a woman?

To help me breed my army, that’s why. I want to marry her young and have her start popping out babies every 9 months (sorry, no breaks). Once they are born, I will put them into a rigorous training program to help them reach their maximum physical and mental capacities. Out of approximately 20 children, I want to have 4 pro athletes and 3 Nobel-quality scientists and 2 world-renowned ballet dancers. I expect several to die in training. Acceptable losses to achieve greatness.

One day after my dreams have been achieved they will band together and come kill me, completing the circle of life.

I’m okay with that.

Rachelle Quick Profile

Rachelle is one of the coolest women I know. Classy, educated and intelligent are all adjectives that do not do her justice. She currently works for Microsoft in Redmond and lives in Belltown. Rachelle graduated from the University of Washington last year. I attended Cascade Christian High School with her and we graduated back in ’02. She and I were unique in that we were pretty much the only non-religious people at a religious school (I believe Jeremy discarded superstition post-h.s.). Cascade Christian was a very poor academic school that had great emphasis on religion over all else. One teacher, Mrs. Huth, repeatedly told our senior year Bible class that in order to survive in the secular world “you have to forget what society tells you about keeping an open mind. You need a CLOSED mind!” Complete insanity. Anyways, back to Rachelle. Rachelle is very interested in fashion, writing, music and photography. She and I didn’t really become friends till after we graduated from high school; she, Jeremy and I spent a lot of time hanging out that summer and then continued on throughout college.

Jeremiah Mini-Profile

I went to high school at Cascade Christian High School with Jeremiah. He played basketball there and went on to attend college at Whitworth University. While in physical science class in our freshman year of high school, Ryan Fancher offered him a dollar to stick a piece of wire attached to a christmas light into an electrical socket. Before we could stop him, Jeremiah goofily headed over and stuck it in and after the ensuing explosion, collected his dollar. That was Jeremiah’s first dollar and he was wise and invested it in the stock market and now has a net worth of $2.78.

Chris Bowker on a milk carton

Christopher Bowker was one of my friends in high school and he played on the same high school football team as me. Chris and I played tons of mmorpgs (if you don’t know, don’t embarass me by asking) during the summer after our senior year before I left for college. Suddenly, at the end of the summer, Mr. Bowker just disappeared. I miss my dear sweet Chris and would love to hear from him at some point. Rumors have told me he moved to Texas and became a gimp in a dungeon of a giant hairy ogre, but I don’t believe those to be true. Chris Bowker, where are you?

Andy Meade Mini-Profile

Ahh… what to say about this strangest man.

Andy Meade is an excellent chess player, which is to say he beats me once in a while when he’s having a brain day. Andy Meade also enjoyed sailing until the evil goblins at the WAC took away his license for sailing a boat on the 4th of July after they gave him permission to do so. Andy is a very sharp kid and has lent me some excellent books. Conversation with Andy Meade is always entertaining and he can actually cook some pretty decent Ethiopian food. And no Ethiopian food isn’t just rice mixed with sawdust.