1. Cat or small dog ownership has been banned was banned by the Dude Convention of 1837. Any person who places dog in articles of clothing must be informed of their abusive, negligent and inhumane behavior immediately.
2. If a friend is attacked by more than one person, a very large person, or is too intoxicated to defend himself, you are required to jump in on his side. Exceptions include if your buddy is attacked by a large woman or the situation is otherwise hilarious.
3. Threesome may only consist of two woman and one man.
4. “Calling” a girl is forbidden. May the best man win.
5. You must wait at least 10 minutes for any man who is late. If a woman is late, you should wait 5 minutes for every point she has on the hotness 1-10 scale.
6. If a friend’s sister or mother is anywhere close to cute, you may feel free to comment on her appearance to him. He, however, reserves the right to take physical action.
7. Memory of a family member or friend’s birthday is optional, memory of a girlfriends birthday is mandatory.
8. Criticizing a friend may only be performed in private, unless that criticism is too humorous to pass up.
9. If provided free alcohol, you are never allowed to criticize it.
10. When working out, you must strictly observe the following rules:
-No loud grunting or other noise unless you are the strongest person in the weight room.
-No loading up the leg press and pretending that you are Arnold Schwarzenegger. The leg press exercise is in no way an accurate reflection of actual strength.
-No staring at your newfound muscles in the mirror and absolutely no ogling of other men. You may stare at any woman in the weight room for as long as you please and they may do the same to you as long as motivation is derived from such activity
-If you are an overly sweaty person, you must carefully clean each exercise machine after use and may not ever play on the “skins” team on the basketball court.
-Stinky hippies, short shorts and spandex are strictly forbidden. Under Armour counts as spandex unless you are playing football and need it under your pads.
-If anyone asks to work in with you on a machine, you must say yes and be polite.
-Spotters are not allowed to yell or talk loudly. Allow the person lifting to concentrate and don’t make the rest of the weight room think you area douche fag.
-Frog hops may appear to be fruity, but must be respected for their strength building capability.