What does Joel look for in a woman?

Well…. besides an incredibly high appetite for sex and an ability to ignore my horrible jokes, I look for:

-Intelligence. If I can’t have an interesting conversation with her, it’s a huge turnoff. I dated a woman in college who was brilliant (full-ride scholarship, 3.98 GPA in honors Biology and Chemistry)… I wonder if she thought I was retarded? lol… Doubtful. I am firmly of the opinion that I am the greatest genius in human history. 😉

-Fun. We all know that I am just buckets of fun. I dated a girl who was quite pretty and fairly smart, but she was so boring that I started just saying off the wall stuff to her to entertain myself. “Did you know that male penguins have no penises?” Needless to say, we did not date long.

-Heavy drug abuse. Nothing turns me on like teeth falling out from too much crack. yum yum.

-Loyalty. Loyalty is probably one of the most important characteristics to me. I am extremely loyal and don’t want to be with anyone who won’t stand by me. Of course, I return the favor. If I’m dating you and the world starts to come crashing in, you will not be alone.

-Passion. Women are truly excited about their lives and follow their hearts are rare and special.

-Ballsiness. So many women in our society are taught to be meek and work with people… it’s pathetic. My kind of woman is one who will stand up for herself and what she cares about and won’t take shit from anyone.

-Adventurous spirit. I like to try new things and meet new people and go new places, so I want a woman who also enjoys exploration.

-Sensuality. I love intimacy and closeness.

-Income. I want to be a kept man! j/k

-Fertility. Pop out dem babies! It’s army time!

-Humor. Obviously, if you don’t have the ability to laugh at yourself and the world around you, we aren’t meant to be.

Applications can be filled out in the comments below. Please leave your name, address, credit card number and expiration date.

Published by

Joel Gross

Joel Gross is the CEO of Coalition Technologies.