Author: Joel Gross

Joel Gross is the CEO of Coalition Technologies.

Seattle Homeless: Shambling Zombies

I was coming home at around 4am last night through Chinatown and the only people up at that ungodly hour were the crazies, bums and druggies: Seattle’s homeless population. The International District seems to be a hotspot for these dredges of humanity, I saw tons of them walking around and engaging in aimless wandering, windmilling their arms or just staring blankly at me as I passed.… read more “Seattle Homeless: Shambling Zombies”

Negative Marketing Campaigns

What is a negative public relations campaign? It’s the attack ads typically used by politicians ripping on their opponents. Negative marketing is Pepsi advertising that it’s products taste better than Coke’s in blind taste tests. It’s the propaganda nations use when trying to change the mindset of either its own populace or the populace of a target nation.… read more “Negative Marketing Campaigns”

Crazy Dreams

I had the weirdest dreams last night.

I dreamed I was a marine biologist in some absolutely crazy aquarium with fish and sharks I invented in my own head. There was one fish that was 20 tons and just looked like a big bit of gray dough and kept almost squishing me… and Freud would’ve had a field day with this one- there was a shark that if you were in his tank, he would show his domination over you by putting your head in his mouth, but not biting down and then squirting sperm on you and there were a bunch of little sharks that gnawed on your fingers like lapdogs but didn’t do any real damage.

Appalachian State vs Michigan

What usually happens when a Division 2 team plays against a bigtime D-1 powerhouse? The D-2 team gets run over. As a matter of fact, a top 25 D-1 team has NEVER in history lost to a D-2 team. Typically, big schools schedule smaller ones for their first game of the season for a guaranteed win to get the fan base excited and to prep their guys in a glorified scrimmage.… read more “Appalachian State vs Michigan”

Joel: Homemaker

My grandma and I today went shopping and bought a ton of new furnishings for my apartment. I almost never buy new, I usually go hunting through thrift stores for all of my needs. However, this time I was able to get some good Memorial Day deals, so I bought:

-A big, white microwave,
-A “Torchiere” (fancy lamp)
-A vial of crack cocaine for my homeless buddies
-An upright vaccuum for cleaning my 20 sq ft of floor
-2 sets of dishes (one of which is broken and I have to return)
-A complete set of nice pots and pans
-A knife set, so I can stab myself
-A blow up doll for “companionship”
-A rug for my bathroom floor
-A cutesy fish for holding my toothbrushes

I am starting to feel like Edward Norton in Fight Club.… read more “Joel: Homemaker”

Lia Shiala Interview

Lia is named after Lia Point. Yes, I know you were asking that question.

Lia is currently on drugs and does not feel clever, so please forgive her in advance.

Lia is a 20 year old 5th year senior at the University of Washington. She got in at the ripe young age of 16 years old, which is also the age of consent in the state of Washington.… read more “Lia Shiala Interview”

WCFL Proposed Regulations

I’m playing in a fantasy football league with my friend Josh Cochran and he keeps coming up with new rules and regulations, so I decided to come up with a few of my own and send them out to the league. Here they are.

Proposed new league regulations:

1. A) Any GM not paying on time should receive 40 lashes from a “cat o’ nine tails” whip.… read more “WCFL Proposed Regulations”