A clawing need inside that cannot be ignored
Painful desire crushing down relentlessly
Constant pressure to keep going.
Frantic movement with no purpose
The heavy foot stuck to the accelerator
Inescapable scorching fire, leaving nothing.

The War Room

After interviewing Melanie last night and sending her off home, I was supposed to go to the War Room (a club on Capitol Hill) with a bunch of friends. I was just sitting at my computer, chatting online, and starting to get a little tired and thinking about skipping out when Ben called and said he and Rachelle were going to come pick me up and take me to the War Room right then. I haven’t seen Kenny in around 6 months, so I accepted. After we arrived, we parked (which was a bitch) and started walking towards the War Room. On our way we spotted two of my other friends, Ian and Eric, also headed to the War Room to see Kenny. Our whole little group made our way to the club, where we had to stand in line for awhile. When we were about to get in, we found out there was a $10 cover and neither Ian nor I had any cash so Rachelle graciously spotted us.

The War Room was packed full of people, especially on the upper deck where we were all hanging out. I didn’t really feel into the whole club atmosphere, but talked to all the people I hadn’t seen in quite some time. Kenny is doing well and was trying to convince me to go scalp a ticket to the Ohio State game today and he himself bought a ticket for $50 from someone. I think I would much rather just go down to my little gym and workout and watch the game there. Watching beastly men smash each other is good motivation for lifting.

A little later, I saw a couple of people do some yayo in the corner of the club and decided that wasn’t really my scene and Rachelle and Ben gave me a ride back home. They came inside and we went up to my roof and relaxed with a glass of wine and enjoyed the view along with good conversation before they went home.

“How not to break up with a chick”

Melanie just had her boyfriend break up with her via MySpace message… which is about the worst way you can do it. Apparently, she had just “expressed her discomfort with the fact” that he is going on a trip for Oktoberfest in Leavenworth with his supposed ex-fuckbuddy and he replied by breaking up. So Melanie and I are hanging out and having a beer and she let me copy and paste it here… enjoy entering a world of douchiness lol

heart to heart

On a completely different note, and on its own wavelength from anything Oktoberfest related, I wanted to talk to you about my own pit-of-my-stomach feelings that hopefully don’t come as a total out-of-left field surprise / are semi-mutual in their existence.

In spite of our out-of-the gate success, and your overwhelming awesomeness credentials as both a person and girlfriend, I feel like almost two months in there has been a tangible lack of energy / enthusiasm / momentum in the last week + that may totally be on my end, and I don’t have a great explanation as to why, but it seems to indicate that we’re drifting closer to the platonic and away from the romantic, and what’s odder still, is that I feel inclined to embrace that trend, and to listen to the heart & brain parts of me that despite all rational reminders of why you’re such a catch, compel me in the direction of drunken movie night friendship.

Maybe it’s just that my, and really our, lives have been so busy and/or life changing career-wise, or maybe it’s my own historically indomitable commitment phobia which I always assume has “worked itself out by now,” or my feeling worn down trying to muster enough energy to do a relationship and a new job and stay in touch with friends – it’s hard, for sure.

A thousand apologies, of course, for even communicating this via email, since I know that’s not really unconventional; this is a conversation I dare say I’ve never managed very well in person, or even with actual words coming out of my mouth at all.

Have you been feeling any of this over the last week, and if so, do you think I’m being premature in my thinking, or hasty, or is this completely just happening in my head alone?

Really you’re a smart and funny and ambitious and successful cute peach of a doll of a girl, and I’ve enjoyed our getting to know each other so well; I’m just feeling too overwhelmed to keep up. I hope you’d still be willing to whup my butt at pool one of these days.


Melanie would like you to take note of his closeted homosexuality via vocabulary…


Tackling Life

My life has generally consisted of short periods of tough challenges followed by long periods of relative stability. I think I am starting to come to the end of an especially extended time of peacefulness and am preparing myself for a struggle. I have some important decisions looming on the horizon and how I handle them will determine my future. My younger brother, Justin Gross, is also about to enter one of these periods as he is supposed to start at the University of Washington as a freshman very soon. Hopefully we will be prepared. I think of these periods of time as being much like tackling practice in football: if you are unprepared or scared or trying to avoid tackling too hard you will get smashed and hurt, but if you go in fully ready and charging as hard as you can, you will come out on top. Watch out baby, here I come!

Joel is currently a Spendthrift Bastard

I usually try and save a good chunk of my income every month and have been good about it through my first 10 months of unemployment. However, over the last 4 months, I have not been paying enough attention to my financial situation and after inspecting my bank statements I have discovered I have over a thousand dollars less today than I did two months ago.

If I disappear for awhile and you can’t get ahold of me, it means I have robbed a bank and the government is trying to hunt me down.

Ideas for Hollywood Sequels

Hollywood has run out of ideas for good new movies, so now it primarily does remakes and sequels… Here are some I would like to see:

-301: The Vengeance- Instead of having 300 Greeks kick the living crap out of millions of Persians, we give 300 Persians the opportunity to attempt an assault on one large grapefruit. Of course, all of the Persians will die in the end.

-Romeo and Juliet 2: The Office- two star-cross’d lovers die untimely deaths after their wicked boss, played by the legendary Keanu Reeves, hatches a cunning plot to bore them to death with endless mundane details. Subplot to include wretched Medusa and her constant stupidity.
-Hairy Peter and the Magical Fish Taco- Not much plot, just lots of action… much like the series.

-The Soulless- Horror movie in which a nice young financial lawyer slowly morphs into an evil corporate monster who works 16 hours a day 7 days a week and feeds children to lions.

-The Simpsons Movie 2: Real life- The Simpson’s family is played by real people. Homer will be played by Jack Nicholson who will attempt to “visualize” him as a tortured soul.

Funny links

-Man tells wife he is having an affair and wants a divorce. She makes him sleep in the trailer. That evening she comes out with a double-barreled shotgun and shoots him 4 times. Which means she had to stop to reload.

Web service for adulterers in France. The service concocts excuses and fake meetings to hide your affair

Hooray! Injured NFL player is not paralyzed for life. Hopefully will walk again. Still wondering why pro football players make so much $$$?

-Patriots coach Bill Belichick apologizes for spying. Everyone cheats, the most successful win 3 Super Bowls.

-New Yorker has an entertaining article on Senator Larry Craig and his anonymous public bathroom sex. You gotta unwind somehow, right?

H.S. football team that has won 4 consecutive state championships for a dying town. 3/4 of the boys who attend the school play on the team. 68 of 111 students are boys… remind me of my senior class with 62 people and something like 13 girls lol.

Higher SAT scores for hedge fund managers are tied to higher returns for lower risk.

America, land of the incredibly stupid.

Crazy Britney Spears fan defends her on video and becomes a YouTube sensation. Haha!

Britney Spears VMA Performance: Fat?

Britney Spears really stunk up the VMA’s. She was not prepared and could not even lip-synch correctly to her own song.

But many media outlets and people I have talked to have primarily focused on her being fat.


Sure, she is no longer in incredible shape with tight abs and a sculpted body. But fat? No. She is the mother of two children and is far more fit than most other women in her situation. Britney Spears no longer is the skeletal teenaged sex object she once was, but that is due to her body maturing. What sort of a message does this send to all the women who follow Britney Spears? Our society has been trying to curb the spread of eating disorders such as bulimia, but when we hold average looking women up to public ridicule and continue to idolize Skeletor, we are telling women that they are disgusting and need to go on a water diet.