Next U.S. President: JERRY SPRINGER!

Future U.S. President Jerry Springer
Future U.S. President Jerry Springer

After listening to a very interesting episode of “This American Life”, I have discovered the man who will be your next President… not in 2008, but in 2012.‚  Jerry Springer.

President of the United States of America, Jerry Springer.

Get used to it, Jerry Springer will become the president in one of the biggest landslides in history, especially if John McCain and his fine friend Sarah Palin win in 2008.

Jerry Springer is known to worldwide television audiences as the kindly host of an obscene, ridiculous and completely awesome talk show, but before that he was a popular politician in Ohio.‚  Future President Jerry Springer once was elected to the Cincinnati city council at the young age of 25, but resigned from the council after he was discovered to have written a check to a prostitute at a “massage parlor”.‚  Jerry Springer explained the entire thing at a press conference and a year later he was reelected by a landslide margin.‚  Two years after that, Jerry Springer was chosen to be the Mayor of Cincinnati by the city council.‚  After trying and failing to win the Democratic nomination for the Governor of Ohio, Jerry Springer moved to journalism.

Jerry Springer started his broadcasting career with WLW TV which at the time was the lowest rated news program, but two years later had turned it around into the #1 program in Cincinnati, collecting 10 local Emmy Awards.‚  The Jerry Springer show came next, with long commentaries on social and political topics like homelessness and guns.‚  It wasn’t very popular so three years later Jerry Springer and his producer redid the show to get better ratings into what you see today.‚  By 1998, The Jerry Springer Show was rolling with more than 6.7 million viewers and beating out even future Vice President Oprah Winfrey.

Jerry Springer was a legendary politician and people who worked with Bill Clinton, Bobby Kennedy and Ronald Reagan say that he was an even better politician than any of those men.‚  Recently, his show has made him a laughingstock, but at the same time he is one of the most popular men in America.‚  I went around online and tried to find some political speeches of future President Jerry Springer and was blown away.‚ ‚  He is one of the best sounding politicians I have ever heard and even though I disagree with his policies it’s impossible not to be impressed.

The best part about Jerry Springer is that all of his skeletons are out of the closet and everyone knows his bad sides… and now when they learn his good sides they will love him even more. Watch the following ad from when Jerry Springer ran for Governor of Ohio. Springer honestly explains his failings to his audience:

I can hear the chants now “Jerry, Jerry, Jerry… For PRESIDENT!”

I would vote for Jerry Springer for President. And I am hardline conservative who doesn’t go wishy-washy BS (usually lol). What is the rest of redneck, white trash, beer drinking, Marlboro smoking America going to do? If Jerry Springer ever ran for President of the United States I think he would win by the largest margin in history. Jerry Springer’s biggest foe will be the religious right, but I think about half of them wouldn’t care and the other half wouldn’t know any better and would still vote for him.

If Jerry Springer could spring forth speaking like he did in his older political career and how he has in recent political speeches to Democrats in Ohio, he would win over the entire world. Oh, there would still be lots of jokes (just like last time when he became Mayor of Cincinnati AFTER a prostitution scandal), but people wouldn’t expect him to sound as intelligent as he is. What politician can stand against someone who is as popular as Oprah Winfrey? As a matter of fact, what if Jerry Springer ran with Oprah Winfrey as his vice-president? They both have the same policies. It could happen and if it did, they would win 95% of the vote.

Just remember: Jerry Springer for President started here.

Published by

Joel Gross

Joel Gross is the CEO of Coalition Technologies.

2 thoughts on “Next U.S. President: JERRY SPRINGER!”

  1. This is “wishy-washy BS” It is impossible for Jerry to become president because he was NOT EVEN BORN IN THE US.

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