Need, Want, and Love

Spanaway elementary school was small and all the same kids were in the same classroom every day.  I spent every year with the same group of friends.  Upon reaching middle school, those kids all dispersed to different schools and I was completely lost.  I had no idea how to make friends and was desperately lonely and needed my old friends back.  It took me two years to learn how to make new friends and establish a new group of people.  In the years since that first time, it has become easier and easier to leave old friends and establish new ones.  I love all my friends I’ve had through the years, but I no longer need them.  I desire to spend time with them, but that desire has slowly been tamed from an intense need to a peaceful want.  I am not so silly as to think I don’t need people, but I’ve realized that I can make friends and establish a strong social network for myself wherever I go.  Each type of friends, old and new, have special qualities that I enjoy.

Dating relationships have gone through the same cycle.  Becky was my first love and when she broke up with me it was extraordinarily hard.  It felt like I would die if I didn’t have her with me.  Two months went by before my hysterical desire to see her faded, and occasionally I still think of her wistfully to this day.  Breakups after her have become easier and easier, just like the cycle of not seeing old friends as often and meeting new ones has become easier.  I understand that my first girlfriends and first friends were not necessarily better than my later friends, but that I have become a more mature and seasoned person through these experiences.

Maturity in friendships and relationships has given me a fierce independence and freedom.  I don’t need any one person and am able to make new friends and find lovers wherever I find myself.  People are vital to a happy, healthy life but no one person is irreplaceable to me now.  I love my friends, girlfriend and family and they are very important to me.  I am also happy to be a free, independent person who does not need any one person and can freely spend time with people I want to be with.  True love is not based on need, it is based on want that is freely desired.  Think of abusive relationships… why do beaten wives stay with drunk demon husbands? It certainly isn’t because they freely desire and want the treatment they get… it’s because  they are emotionally dependent and need their partner.  The most beautiful relationships are ones in which both parties are happy, strong and independent and can leave at anytime and still be happy… but they choose to stay with one another.  Those are the relationships I want in my life.

My strength came through circumstances that were forced upon me and my reaction to those times.  I wonder if it is possible for someone who is never forced to go through such circumstances to develop into a robust, free person?  I’m not sure.  I can say that many people I know who either have not been through those problems or reacted badly to them are in need-based relationships, not want-based love.  What do you think?  Do you have any need-based friendships or relationships?

Do Anything

If you could do anything, be anyone and live anywhere with whoever you wished, what would you choose?

Why aren’t you doing it?

People make many excuses to themselves why they aren’t living their dreams:
“I need to pay off my mortgage.”
“I’ll wait till my kids are out of school.”
“I’m not good enough.”

I think that if most people wrote down what they actually would love to do most from day to day they would realize they are much closer than they realize.

Don’t let fear and laziness hold you back from living life.

Dreading Monday?

Start your own company.

My Monday looks pretty much identical to my Saturday.

9 AM: Breakfast & begin work
12 AM: Lunch & Nap
2 PM: Work
5 PM: Workout/Basketball/Football/Swimming
6PM: Dinner & more work
8 or 9:Whatever I feel like… sometimes I am happy to keep working.


Trent and I played hoops today down at the Muscle Beach courts again. After having a serious dislike for basketball for most of his life, Trent has decided that he and I should become very good at basketball and so we’ve been playing often. Our game today was highly competitive and fun against a team of four big, ripped black guys who complained a lot (somewhat annoying). I scored 4 of our first 6 points, but then didn’t play aggressively enough on either side of the ball as our team lost.

I am looking forward to playing again, though I still prefer football.

WARNING: After writing the rest of this post, I realized it sounds like I am an egomaniac douchebag. I recommend stopping here, especially if you have Short Man Syndrome. I am tired of random small guys who think they have something to prove trying to fight me.

Basketball is the sport where I have the greatest physical advantage, to the point where it isn’t even remotely fair sometimes. I don’t feel bad about being faster or stronger, but my height (6’6) makes it such that against most opponents jumping isn’t necessary to get rebounds & find open shots. When you add the fact that I am not only much heavier (220 lbs), but in far superior physical shape to most men, basketball becomes almost a joke. My skills are not nearly as good as practiced players, but I can rely on my size to completely shut them down if I want. I have only been going 50-60% on the court against most oppponents because of this… I just feel bad.

After writing the last little bit, I thought people who don’t know me might think I am exaggerating the situation so I decided to look up some statistics:

  • I am three standard deviations taller than the average man, who only stands 5’9”. Only .15% of all adult men in the U.S. are taller than me.
  • I am identical to the prototypical NBA player size-wise: 6’6.98, 221 lbs. If only I had the same practice time as those guys, maybe I’d be a multimillionaire too lol.

Flag football is more fun for me than basketball because I don’t feel bad; speed and quickness are more important than size and strength. Of course, little guys are usually surprised to learn that I am still much faster than them and have good quickness.

I did the 16 year old Myspace girl thing and took a picture of myself in the mirror to show I’m not full of crap.

Sexy powder blue shorts, eh?


Do you have regrets?

I think we all do.

My strongest regrets are not for things I did, but for things I didn’t do:

  • Being afraid of girls and not talking to them till I was older
  • Not starting to exercise till I was 16
  • Not having a better high school GPA
  • Not turning off my television sooner

I don’t regret actions that I took that failed, because I know I tried hard and took the shot even though it didn’t succeed.  To be honest though, when I have tried to do something I was afraid of I often surprised myself by finding out how easy it was and wondering why I didn’t do it sooner.

My greatest fear is no longer of failing, but of not trying.

In ten years, what will you regret not having done now?


Few people are willing to make hard decisions.  Oftentimes, people will tell themselves that there isn’t even a decision to make.  Those who continue to work at a big company as a default option are great examples.  They haven’t been offered another job (but aren’t looking) and they don’t create new businesses (they haven’t tried).  By not seeking out alternative options they have made the no-decision decision.

Seek out fresh opportunities all the time and your life will be much happier.  Accepting the status quo is a decision to avoid potentially interesting new adventures.

Graduate School is Overrated

Owning your own business is far more educational, enjoyable and profitable than going to grad school. Graduate school works for smart people who are don’t have guts or creativity. There are exceptions of course: the law keeps you out of certain businesses without a degree (law, medicine). These artificial barriers hurt the medical care and legal options for consumers, while benefitting doctors an lawyers. For most people though, you can learn far more by actually working in industry than in a classroom. Classroom education naturally emphasizes aspects of a field that aren’t as important and sometimes completely ignores vital points. Business should be combined with education at an early age (maybe 13?) and kids should be able to do a wide variety of internships and apprenticeships. People who attend graduate school often have not done much real work in their lives and can be out of touch with reality. Open your own business and learn more, have fun and get rich.