Funny New Stock Market Terms

Tara sent me the following humorous New Stock Market Terms… I like the Standard & Poor definition best.


CEO Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT An archaic word no longer in use.

Published by

Joel Gross

Joel Gross is the CEO of Coalition Technologies.