Mechanics are the slime of the earth

I just had to spend $1218 to get my piece of shit ’99 Ford Contour fixed. My junkyard-on-wheels COST me $2800 3 years ago. The Kelley Blue Book value on it right now is $2,465. I spent half of what the damn thing is worth fixing it!

On my ride home, I got to thinking about what I could have bought instead with my $1200:

-120 pounds of beef jerky. Aaaaarrr!

-A bottle of fine Johnny Walker Blue scotch, an 8-ball of uncut cocaine and the best fucking hooker in Seattle. What an night I missed out on.

-A 42 inch plasma HDTV. Football season would’ve been heavenly.

-800 6-pack packages of Pez. I would probably then owe my orthodontist a fortune though.

-400 bottles of the king of wines: 3 Buck Chuck. I could’ve had a bottle of wine a night for over a year!!!

-$20,000. Or $0. After I bet it all on 7 black at the Muckleshoot Indian Casino.

What did I get instead of the treasures I listed above?

-Front brakes & rotors repaired.

-Back brakes changed.

-Oil changed.

-Spark plugs replaced.

-Starter replaced.

-Fisted by Fucking Firestone & Friends. Les Schwab joined in for 3-some action.

Published by

Joel Gross

Joel Gross is the CEO of Coalition Technologies.

2 thoughts on “Mechanics are the slime of the earth”

  1. a fine hooker, eh?
    You’re going to need one after tonight, buddy.

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