Plato Interview

Plato and I had a bit of a rough night out on Friday night and so yesterday we didn’t feel like doing much. After our workout in the afternoon, we went and had dinner at Cedar’s followed by a viewing of The Simpson’s movie at the Metro. The Simpson’s movie was exactly like the show, but stretched out over an hour and a half… decent hangover entertainment. Both of us were bored and so we decided to go play a game of chess at the Trabant cafe and I brought a notebook in case of the advent of an idea. My chess game was off and after getting my ass kicked twice I started to ask Plato questions and writing down his answers. Here is what I found:

Joel: For or against gay marriage?

Plato: For

Joel: If there was a woman who was your perfect match emotionally and intellectually, but was ugly, would you date her?

Plato: No

Joel: Should we have the death penalty?

Plato: No

Joel: Are you into Dungeons and Dragons and Magic: The Gathering?

Plato: Yes

Joel: Hahahhahaha

Joel: Who would you vote for for president, based on what you know right now?

Plato: Probably Hilary.

Joel: What is your opinion on universal healthcare?

Plato: Everyone should have access to medical care

Joel: Would you rather live the rest of your life with no testicles or having testicles, but never able to have sex or masturbate again?

Plato: No balls

Joel: Be 7 feet tall or 5 feet tall?

Plato: 7 feet

Joel: What about 8 feet versus 5 feet?

Plato: 5 feet. 8 foot tall people are sideshow attractions.

Joel: What will be your last drink on earth?

Plato: Excellent scotch, straight.

Joel: If I was going to put you in a box for the rest of your life with no music, but told you you could listen to one final song, what would it be?

Plato: “Help” by the Beatles. Really, really loud.

Joel: What should we do about the homeless? Put them in concentration camps? Light them on fire?

Plato: The government should help them.

Joel: 🙁

Joel: Would you rather have Stephen Hawking’s life or Michael Vick’s

Plato: Stephen Hawking

Joel: What is the meaning of life?

Plato: I don’t know.

Joel: Jebus!

Other things learned about Plato: He likes pain during sex, thinks the government can put people in gimp boxes, would rather have sex with Thomas Jefferson than Karl Marx, only likes sports he won’t get hurt in, believes being dumb is worse then being bad at sex/ physically unfit/ poor /unhappy, Native Americans should have no tribal rights or sovereign nations and he is a fan of prostitution. He exercises to look good naked. Only parents should be allowed to have the right of corporal punishment. Strangely, if given the choice, he would put a coma victim in a gimp box.

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Joel Gross

Joel Gross is the CEO of Coalition Technologies.

4 thoughts on “Plato Interview”

  1. This represents a mockery of the interview that actually took place, almost every answer attributed to me has been so radically simplified or put out of context that they bear little resemblance to my actual responses. I’m surprised you left out the abortion questions.

  2. A freshly identified power of Joel’s blog: to expose and spin friends’ viewpoints at his will. Radical and insulting- I like it , will steal it, and am reading.

  3. Reminds me of my little right wing creation- Bill O’Reilly. And every other anchor man on earth. Spin, little monkeys, spin!

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