What Matters in Life

It took me my whole life to work through the false guesses and outright lies other people provide for the meaning of life.

First, I was told loving Jesus was the meaning of life. It took me till I was 17 or 18 to figure out that Jesus and other religions were just fakes. Religion is a mind virus that spreads through people’s fear of death and hell, and their hope to see their dead loved ones again although it has no basis in reality.
I was not satisfied.
I was then told that I could find my own meanings in life. The old meanings like family were supposedly all just bunk since they were based on religious teachings.
I tried exercise, while I liked my body better, this was not it. We all will get old no matter what we do.
I was not satisfied.
I tried drinking… that wasn’t it although I nearly became an alcoholic.
I was not satisfied.
I sought the approval of others and especially that of women. This was an empty dead end.
I was not satisfied.
I tried friendships. These come close to being the meaning, but ultimately while these are the seasonings that make life taste better, they lack real meat.
I was not satisfied.
I threw myself into work and made money. I found a lot of meaning and purpose here, but even though I found exceptional success, ultimately the work and the money and the acclaim rang hollow.
I was not satisfied.
I tried the outdoors and rock climbing. This seemed a bit closer, as there is something magical about being outside in gorgeous scenery. Still something was missing here.
I was not satisfied.
Then I really thought hard about it and realized that the answer had already been taught to me in every science class I had taken, but never put quite in a way that said, “The meaning and purpose of life from all evidence and logic is reproduction”. The science classes had always been sterile textbooks to me and I had never really connected with what it actually meant.
This meaning of life (having children and a family) seemed academic to me as I was still with my last girlfriend and we had a bad relationship and I didn’t want children with her. We were emotionally dependent on one another, but that was not love. I finally decided to break up and go try to find someone who I wanted to be partners for life with.
After much searching, I found Laurel. We got along well in all areas of life and shared the goal of having children and a family. We fell in love. We got married… but children still seemed academic to me. Then we had our twins and my brain fundamentally changed how it worked and the meaning of life was suddenly very, very real to me. My life and brain have continued to evolve until all that matters is our family and our kids.
I am completely satisfied.
Family is the meaning and purpose of life. Following our biological imperative is essential to leading a full and happy life.
Our children are not accessories to our lives, to be shown off to friends or to have as trophies, showing off their academic or sports accomplishments. They are the fundamental focus, and where all effort should go.
Single people often talk about how people with kids “disappear” from their lives after having kids. The reason for this is that people with kids have found their purpose in life. It’s not that they like their friends any less, but they have an overriding and driving purpose that gives meaning and joy.
People with kids will have their brains change biologically and naturally to focus entirely on the kids UNLESS they interfere with this process by consuming neurotoxins like caffeine, alcohol, or other drugs.
Birth control has been falsely heralded as a godsend to families, when in reality it is a godsend to factories that get more production longer from young people.
People are lied to and told that unless you have a lot of money, you can’t have children and can’t provide them a good life. All you really need is enough money to feed and clothe and shelter them – they don’t need private schools or tutors or anything else. We provided our first two babies with nannies and heavily involved teaching by us… but our third child has learned more from the first two and advanced faster than they did. If you just feed and clothe your kids and do your best within your means, your kids will have a great life.
One or two children only begins the process of having a family. Your brain begins to focus on the right things, but it is not there yet. Each new child provides an exponential explosion of meaning and joy in your life. Humans evolved to start having children far younger than we do today. Even in the 1960’s the average age was only 20 years old. In Medieval times, the average age was in the mid to late teens. Educated guesses by archaeologists seem to indicate that people would have children in their mid teens on average in early human history. Medical science today says that if you are 35 years old or older, you will have what’s called a “geriatric pregnancy”. Humans have evolved to have a dozen or more children through the course of our lives. The more children you have, the more joy and meaning you will find.
The most important lesson I learned after being a member of an elite private country club for a year was from a friend there who, once I had my twins, told me, “You get out of your children what you put into them.” If you try to continue to live a selfish life pursuing all the empty things I listed above, you won’t find the true purpose and meaning and joy in life. But if you commit yourself to putting your family first, you will reap enormous rewards.
Each new baby requires hard work and a lack of sleep for the first few months. Children grow quickly and by three or four years old are far easier to care for. By six or seven years old, they are a net positive and actually can reduce your work if you have been training them up properly. People who have one or two children often do not get to the point of their child being a net positive work-wise as they always treat that child as a baby. From what I have seen of people with a lot of children, the older children naturally become leaders of the younger children and develop great responsibility at young ages. This is natural and good for them, as well as for the family. This is how someone has 12 children with the same level of effort as someone who has 2 children.
Each child may have a life expectancy of 80 years… Siblings will be friends for life and will support each other and help each other for life. Each additional sibling helps all of the other siblings enormously through their lives. Just ask anyone with a brother or sister if they would trade their sibling’s life for a million dollars cash. People who were raised right would never even consider such a bargain. Children are a lot of work their first few years, but provide enormous benefits to their parents and to their siblings and to society for their entire lives.
My life expectancy remaining is maybe 30 years. My kids have a remaining life expectancy of 80 * 4 = 320 years. More than 10x the life I have ahead of me. The best thing I can do with my remaining years is to invest it into my children. Doing so will provide me with the greatest joy and purpose.
People I have seen who continue to live selfishly after they have children end up much less happy, although those who choose to have no children often seem like they have a sucking hole of loneliness inside and spin out of control, especially as they get older and realize that all of the pursuits they have tried to find meaning and purpose in are empty.
We should continue to follow our biological imperative and have as many children as we can care for. And we can care for far more children than we think. Children can learn far more from their siblings than their parents as I discussed above. Caring for children is a difficult challenge but is by far life’s greatest reward.

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Joel Gross

Joel Gross is the CEO of Coalition Technologies.

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