Category: Uncategorized

My grandma and I today went shopping and bought a ton of new furnishings for my apartment. I almost never buy new, I usually go hunting through thrift stores for all of my needs. However, this time I was able to get some good Memorial Day deals, so I bought:

-A big, white microwave,
-A “Torchiere” (fancy lamp)
-A vial of crack cocaine for my homeless buddies
-An upright vaccuum for cleaning my 20 sq ft of floor
-2 sets of dishes (one of which is broken and I have to return)
-A complete set of nice pots and pans
-A knife set, so I can stab myself
-A blow up doll for “companionship”
-A rug for my bathroom floor
-A cutesy fish for holding my toothbrushes

I am starting to feel like Edward Norton in Fight Club.… read more “Joel: Homemaker”

According to him,

“Oh, shit”

means

“Lord Jesus Christ, I love you and forgive my sins.”

his reasoning is that when you are about to get in an accident, you don’t say “i love you”; you just say “Oh shit”.

Actually true, but a funny thing to say at work lol.

Yesterday, my purty smile took a hit.

I rode my bike to Rachelle’s house and had a nice dinner of salmon salad and wine. At around 5:30ish, I was riding my bike back home to meet a friend. As I was cruising down 3rd street downtown, my bike chain suddenly locked up and the next thing I knew I was lying on my face in the street.… read more ““Poo Goatee””

I was bored and so I watched a show on Animal Planet about ostriches mating. Male ostriches fluff out their wings and feathers and do weird dances for the females for sometimes days on end to convince the female to mate. When the female is ready, she sits on the ground in a weird way and the male runs over and flops down on her back.… read more “Mating Ostriches”

I read an interesting theory that claims that there is a near mathematical certainty that you are a computer simulation. Many scientists believe that computing power, based on current trends of increases in processing power, in 50 years we will have a computer capable of running simulations of an entire virtual world inhabited by virtual people with fully developed virtual nervous systems.… read more “Math says you are in the Matrix”

The Bush Administration is debating labelling Iran’s Revolutionary Guard Corps a terrorist organization. The war on terror is ridiculous bullshit.. you can’t have war on a tactic. I think our government is finally starting to admit that this war is more about religion than anything else. I thought terrorists were people who use violence and fear to create mayhem and achieve their objectives while disguised as civilians.… read more “Holy Shinolie”

 

What Star Trek Race Are You?

 

You’re a Klingon! Strong and self-confident, you are a warrior through and through.
Take this quiz!

No, she’s not a lean supermodel.

She is a 6’5”, 200 pound WNBA star who has a brilliant mind.

“Gross!”, you say?

That’s my last name, thank you very much.

Why would I want such a woman?

To help me breed my army, that’s why. I want to marry her young and have her start popping out babies every 9 months (sorry, no breaks).… read more “My Ideal Woman”