Important Breaking News

-The Department of Homeland Security has been working hard to make sure YOU are safe! Yesterday, 3 Mexican minors who had been arrested near the border on suspicion of smuggling drugs stole the patrol vehicle… while handcuffed. Incompetence at its best.

Mouth to Mouth Assault… how romantic.

-Apparently I should be a swimmer or a rower and give up on cycling. I could’ve told you that.

Dating coach: the perfect job for Joel.

Eulogy of Joel

The only time that people get together and express their feelings about a person is after that person has passed away. When that happens, people always sob about how they should’ve told the person sooner about how much they cared about them. Therefore, before I die, I’m going to tell myself how much I love me and what a freakin’ great guy I am.

Joel, you were so important to me. We had so many wonderful times together and you used to get me in so much trouble. Your violent passion and crazy wiring led to many adventures and created many memories. There was the time in the 3rd grade you peed on your teacher after he got mad at you for playing around at the urinal and grabbed your shoulder and turned you around. Or when you glued the annoying kid to his chair. Or when you and your friends discovered the joy of magnifying glasses in class and burned holes in your desk. Or the time you threw a stick at the fat bully and let him charge you then kicked him in the belly and got in trouble. Ahh the memories…. and those are just from one randomly picked year. We don’t even need to get started on all the shit you’ve got into since then. Joel, you were a lovely man. I want to hug you. And kiss you. And make sweet love to you. Good thing we did this before you were dead, or there would be some serious moral violations going on.

Happy Birthday Jeremy!

Today is Jeremy’s birthday. He is turning 24.

joelfriends.jpg

Jeremy is the sweet fellow second from the left in the photo. And yes, he always dresses like that.

We attended Cascade together for high school, although he and I never really talked to each other much until immediately after we graduated. He also attended UW with me.

Jeremy introduced me to a great group of guys from his hometown; Fletcher, Jarek and Ian.

Arguing

I hate arguing with people when I feel frustrated, because I just end up pushing issues farther than I should and going in circles. I know I’m doing it, but it’s hard to stop myself. I need to make more of a conscious effort to be accepting and try to understand others’ perspectives better.

Justin Gross starts class at UW tomorrow

Tonight I went to UW and after working out with Fletch, I went and visited my little brother Justin. Tomorrow will be his first day of classes at UW. I’m hoping Justin has a very successful college experience, but he actually called me earlier thinking about skipping the first day of class and going to Canada lol. Smart kid that he is, he decided to stay and get ready for his classes. Best of luck to you, Justin! I’m sorta jealous, you have a ton of potential and all the doors are wide open for you right now: charge through!

Your bath is killing your babies

Recent research conducted has shown that sitting in hot water for 30 or more minutes a week impairs sperm production and motility. This includes sitting in hot tubs or bath water. For non-smokers, if you avoid hot bathwater for six months, your sperm count will increase 500% (though not to previous unaltered levels). The bad news for smokers is that your sperm will not increase much again: smoking is a “gonadotoxic” behavior. I’ll let you ruminate on that word. “Gonadotoxic” hahhaha. I’m still a 12 year old at heart.

Plato, get out of your claw foot bathtub before future Findley’s die.

Don’t Mess with the Kremlin

Mikhail Borisovich Khodorkovsk was an extraordinarily powerful man. in 2004, he was the 16th wealthiest man on earth. Mr. Khodorkovsk was a Russian oligarch at the head of massive Yukos, a former corporate titan. Khodorkovsk got a little big for his britches though and funded a Russian political opposition party. Putin apparently didn’t much like this and Khodorkovsk was convicted on trumped up tax-evasion charges. Today, the former billionaire is in a prison camp in Eastern Siberia. He used to live in a mansion and now lives in prison camp number 13. Appreciate what you have while you still have it.

Putin quote of the day: “There is no such thing as former KGB.”