New, Final Chapter of the Bible’s Book of Revelations Found! Accompanying analysis by world’s foremost religious scholars

Disclaimer: Post meant to poke fun, not offend. Crude humor involved.

The lost chapter of Revelations, Chapter 23, foretold of the the coming onslaught:

Revelations 23:1 In the Revelation passed onto me by the Lord I saw the tall man coming up out of the earth and he had two followers;a small, kindly box that chirped and hummed like a songbird alongside a gargantuan beast with legs like tree trunks, a chest larger than that of an ox, eyes of flame and an unsurpassed manhood.read more “New, Final Chapter of the Bible’s Book of Revelations Found! Accompanying analysis by world’s foremost religious scholars”

Gametime!

The University of Washington has the hardest schedule of any college football team in the nation this year. UW won their first game against Syracuse in a dominant fashion led by elite freshman quarterback Jake Locker, but now they face the toughest stretch of games in their history:

-Today they play #22 Boise State at 12:30 (of last year’s Orange Bowl fame vs.… read more “Gametime!”

A fine evening=

(Rooftop deck with the best view in Seattle+

Vibrant sunset full of intense colors+

A giant pot of spicy pasta, 2 bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon )*

Great company; beautiful, intelligent and entertaining

Seattle Homeless: Shambling Zombies

I was coming home at around 4am last night through Chinatown and the only people up at that ungodly hour were the crazies, bums and druggies: Seattle’s homeless population. The International District seems to be a hotspot for these dredges of humanity, I saw tons of them walking around and engaging in aimless wandering, windmilling their arms or just staring blankly at me as I passed.… read more “Seattle Homeless: Shambling Zombies”

Negative Marketing Campaigns

What is a negative public relations campaign? It’s the attack ads typically used by politicians ripping on their opponents. Negative marketing is Pepsi advertising that it’s products taste better than Coke’s in blind taste tests. It’s the propaganda nations use when trying to change the mindset of either its own populace or the populace of a target nation.… read more “Negative Marketing Campaigns”

Crazy Dreams

I had the weirdest dreams last night.

I dreamed I was a marine biologist in some absolutely crazy aquarium with fish and sharks I invented in my own head. There was one fish that was 20 tons and just looked like a big bit of gray dough and kept almost squishing me… and Freud would’ve had a field day with this one- there was a shark that if you were in his tank, he would show his domination over you by putting your head in his mouth, but not biting down and then squirting sperm on you and there were a bunch of little sharks that gnawed on your fingers like lapdogs but didn’t do any real damage.

Appalachian State vs Michigan

What usually happens when a Division 2 team plays against a bigtime D-1 powerhouse? The D-2 team gets run over. As a matter of fact, a top 25 D-1 team has NEVER in history lost to a D-2 team. Typically, big schools schedule smaller ones for their first game of the season for a guaranteed win to get the fan base excited and to prep their guys in a glorified scrimmage.… read more “Appalachian State vs Michigan”

Joel: Homemaker

My grandma and I today went shopping and bought a ton of new furnishings for my apartment. I almost never buy new, I usually go hunting through thrift stores for all of my needs. However, this time I was able to get some good Memorial Day deals, so I bought:

-A big, white microwave,
-A “Torchiere” (fancy lamp)
-A vial of crack cocaine for my homeless buddies
-An upright vaccuum for cleaning my 20 sq ft of floor
-2 sets of dishes (one of which is broken and I have to return)
-A complete set of nice pots and pans
-A knife set, so I can stab myself
-A blow up doll for “companionship”
-A rug for my bathroom floor
-A cutesy fish for holding my toothbrushes

I am starting to feel like Edward Norton in Fight Club.… read more “Joel: Homemaker”