Author: Joel Gross

My company got an article on the front page of the Business section of the Seattle Times today. Check it out

No, this is not SNL.

I went to the party at the old frat guys house tonight with Fletch and saw a bunch of old guys I knew. It was one of the saddest and most frightening things I’ve ever seen. I am so glad that I escaped that culture when I did. I left feeling horrified and have had nothing to do with it since until tonight, when I went to the party. There was BW (the giant man I wrestled and who doesn’t like me anymore) and KZ and both of them were exactly as I remembered. They had huge, unsubstantiated egos that were just pathetic when you watched them think they were cool rejecting poor girls. All the reasons I left and never looked back came rushing to me.

After I was sufficiently depressed by all of those old guys, Fletch and I left. We went to Earl’s to get a nightcap and that was another enlightening experience. It was full of people that disgusted me and made me afraid for humanity itself.

I left as quickly as I could and went and got some shitty greasy food at New China and talked to Fletch about how fucked up life can be. Sometimes when you are in a situation you are unable to recognize how bad life can be. Now I do. I don’t want to ever go back.

“There’s no one beside you when you’re soul embarks, I’ll follow you into the dark. “

Fletch and I were working out today when he mentioned that the Seattle Public Library was having it’s annual book sale. Paperbacks are going for $.50, Hardbacks for a buck, VHS movies $2, DVDs $4…. all of which is extremely cheap, so I suggested we go and check it out. I bought a ton of new movies and now I’m going to have to buy a VHS player so i can actually watch them ;). Listen to this list of gems:

DVDs
-Bad Santa
-Sideways
-21 Grams
-Finding Forrester
-Munich
-Igby Goes Down
-Boiler Room
-About Schmidt

VHS
-The Graduate
-Aladdin
-Requiem for a Dream
-Good Will Hunting
-Army of Darkness
-Psycho
-Unfaithful
-The Princess Bride
-Citizen Kane
-Reservoir Dogs

I think I am going to start a book/movie library… I’ve never had one before and I think it would be a great asset to own.

I haven’t had such strange weekend plans in awhile:

-Tonight, I’m going to an old friend’s birthday party in Greenlake where I am probably going to see a bunch of guys I know from the fraternities… strange. I haven’t seen them in a very long time and it’ll be weird being at a virtual frat party. To top it all off, one of my coworkers, Victoria, will be there with her roommate and roommate’s sister. I don’t plan to stay long.
-I am going to meet my maybe biological father on Saturday evening or Sunday. My brother Jordan did some research today on this guy and found out some pretty incredible info: he owns at least three car dealerships, a farm, a $15k watch and beautiful classic cars along with associated racing teams. He also is the president of the Sioux Falls Film Festival, sits on the board of Porsche Club of America and races some of the best cars in the world for fun. His family name is also on the 23rd ranked CPA firm in the nation, based in Sioux Falls, but I’m not sure if he is a part of it. Now how in the hell am I going to have dinner with this guy? I am thinking about cancelling, because I don’t want him to think I am after his money. I just want a DNA test. I’m not sure what to do.
-Meeting with my potential future roommates in their gorgeous house. Somehow I have to convince them that it’s okay to live with me, a guy, instead of a girl. The house is perfect for me, if I can get it.
-Going to a shooting range with my neighbor, Ying on Saturday after I get done exercising. My old friend who came up with the idea can’t go anymore, so now it’ll just be me and this crazy girl. And she’ll be armed. Eek.
-My old friend, Justin, is having a big poker party for his birthday at 6pm in Puyallup and my other friends have been giving me crap about maybe not being able to go, so I’m going to see if I can make it.
-To top it all off, I may (or may not) be meeting with Becky to have a serious conversation at some point.

I also have to:
-Build a website
-Clean my apartment
-Prepare to move
-Talk to my newly recruited workers and educate them on what to do.

Seems almost overwhelming. But you know what? I love the challenge. It’ll let me know I’m still alive.

A few days back, I saw this ad on Craigslist:

One bedroom of three available in perfect Wallingford home. Current occupants are two mid 20’s female professionals: fun people who like to hang out, but are still independent. Large house and yard, one block from bus line (great for UW or downtown commute) in great neighborhood.

$525 Great Wallingford house with two fun girls!

Looking for another NON-smoker, 20-something female who is considerate, grounded and somewhat clean. No pets allowed.

Currently $525 on a month-to-month lease–must pay about $75 in utilities (depending on the month), includes wireless internet and cable. Looking for someone to move in around the end of April/beginning of May.

We’d love to hear from you =)

I responded with my standard email I send to all the potential places:

I am interested in coming and checking out your place.

About me: I’m 23, just graduated from UW with a business degree. I love being around people and just generally having a good time. Lately I have been trying to become a better chef and so far can cook a pretty mean pasta, a solid steak and good scallops.

I am a great roommate and have lived closely with others my whole life; 4 little brothers, roommates throughout college (and I’m actually still close friends with most of them). I am friendly, but will respect your space.

I am currently working as a business analyst at a downtown Seattle technology firm and also starting my own business on the side. I always am looking for new challenges, whether they be in the business world or for fun. I climbed Mt. Adams last summer and am thinking about climbing Mt. Ranier or something similar this summer. I love sports (especially football) as well as outdoor activities, such as hiking, canoeing, sailing, running and so on. Sometimes it is nice just to relax and watch a movie or read a book to though.

Hope to hear from you soon! Contact me back at XXXXX@gmail.com or call XXX-XXX-XXXX.

Joel

I didn’t really expect a response because she had specifically said that they were looking for a female. To my surprise, she emailed me back and asked me a few questions and I answered them and she responded by asking if I wanted to come check it out. So yesterday I got the address (in Wallingford, a few blocks east of I-5) and went over and looked at it.

The house is gorgeous and enormous. The room I would have is in the daylight basement and is much larger than my current room. I would also have a huge storage/living space throughout the rest of the lower floor. Upstairs, they have a nice living room fully furnished with pretty decent stuff. There is a nice backyard with a view for BBQs during the summer (they have a charcoal and gas grill). I have been hunting for an apartment for a while and I just fell in love with the place. I met one of the girls who would be my roommate and she was really nice and is a professional working at Boeing. She seems like a classy, fun All-American type of girl and I think it would be a really good situation. She told me about the other girl (works as a law clerk for a judge) and she sounded cool too.

However, this may be too good to be true: Melanie (the girl I met) said that they had specifically been looking for a girl, but thought I was a cool guy from my response and wanted to meet me. My guess is that there is tons of other girls who are very interested in moving in, so I’m at a disadvantage. I am supposed to go meet the second roommate on Sunday, so hopefully I’ll be able to make a good enough impression to overcome the fact that I’m a guy. I’ll be continuing to search for places to live until then, but I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

The Westboro Baptist Church is an interesting group. The group is almost entirely made up of one family; about 75 people including men women and children. Fox News and CNN and others have done reports on them recently. The church believes that God hates homosexuals and they actively spread this image. They believe that America has been doomed by God for tolerating the gay lifestyle. Lots of their actions are highly controversial, such as attending soldiers’ funerals and protesting saying the US military is full of fags that deserved to die. How they have survived so far is a mystery to me. They are the most hate-filled group I ever seen, but as a ex-pastor’s son, I can say that they actually are closer to following actual Biblical teachings than many other Christian groups. The Bible actually says that God hates homosexuality and sodomy and blah blah blah and that they are going to hell. However, they have left out the New Testament side of God’s forgiveness.

I just watched an interesting documentary done by a man who was allowed into their cult, I really recommend that you watch it too. It’s actually really sad to watch these little kids get indoctrinated with their ridiculous bullshit. The person I felt worst for was a 21 year old girl attending law school. She seemed intelligent, but she was so brain-washed into it that she firmly believed that she would never be able to get married because there was no true Christians left out there.

I would not be surprised to see the whole clan meet with a violent end. Protesting at soldiers funerals is a really bad idea. There are many returning soldiers who have severe post-traumatic stress syndrome and are trained and experienced in the use of violence to solve their problems. The Phelps have a compound with a ten foot fence, but that won’t slow an angry ex-soldier. I hope that nobody does anything to them and that they are able to recognize the inconsistencies in their own beliefs.

Out of the blue a couple of weeks ago I received an email from Bruce Eide saying that he was going to be coming to Seattle on April 21st and 22nd for a conference.

Bonus info: Bruce Eide could be my biological father.

My crazy mother told me about five years ago that this man was probably my biological father. She is insane and lies constantly though so I am not sure what to believe. Thank god I got kicked out at 14 and was able to go live with my grandparents. Apparently she had an extramarital affair with this man shortly before she became pregnant with me and supposedly I look very much like him. It is her opinion that he is my biological father.

His email was short and sweet:

Hey Joel,

I am coming to Seattle to attend a conference on Saturday, April 21st.

I will be in Bellevue on Sunday, the 22nd. Would you like to get together?

I replied:

Bruce,

Absolutely! That would be great!

Just let me know when you’re available and we can figure something out. I’ll be off work and don’t have anything planned for that weekend yet, so anytime that is convenient for you would be good.

He responded today:

Hey Joel,

I will be staying at the XXXX Inn in Bellevue. On Saturday I am a guest at a WWII fighter pilot reunion and conference at the Museum of Flight. Later on that evening I’m not sure what the plans are. I think that I am not free through Sat. However, Sunday, is wide open for us to get together. Lunch? Dinner? What time works for you?

My cel# on Sat/Sun is XXX.XXX.XXXX

Bruce

I am basically unsure of what to do. I tried to contact him about four years ago when I first found out and we exchanged a couple of emails and it just sort of died from there. My mom told me he was some sort of hotshot in Sioux Falls and his family owned Mercedes and Honda dealerships and some other things so I didn’t want to push him and make him think I was just trying to get money or something.

What the hell do I do with a man who may or may not be my biological father? I suppose I’ll just get lunch or dinner with him and talk for awhile and then ask him to try a DNA test. That seems impersonal and weird, but I want to know for sure. Such a strange situation and I’m not sure how I’m going to handle it.

P.S. Brothers & others, I would greatly appreciate it if you conveyed none of this information to my mom. She knows nothing of this meeting as far as I know and I want to keep it that way. Thanks.

I woke up this morning and went to the bathroom to do my daily duties and while I was there I picked up my roommates old copy of “The Daily” which had a multi-page article on the “Best of Seattle”. Like most articles in “The Daily” it was one of the poorest written articles I have ever read. The research sucked (it was probably written by a freshman who had only visitted the Ave in his whole tenure in Seattle) and the writing was terrible. So I have decided to write my own “Best of Seattle”. Read on.

-Best park: Gasworks park has gorgeous views of downtown, lots of green grass to play on and a high hill with a cool art installation on top. Not to mention the old industrial plant which is intriguing to explore.

-Best cheap Chinese restaurant (w/ Cocktails!)- The Seven Seas: it’s location in a tacky building on Lake City Way and trashy customers do nothing to take away from the fact that this place rocks. Great tasting food in large quantities for low prices and the best part is that you can eat it in their lounge in the back while sipping on cocktails. I have walked in hungry and sober before and walked back out full and quite tipsy with only a $40 tab for two people. Awesome.

-Best cafe: I am not qualified to judge this as I have only visited a few, but my favorite so far is probably the Trabant on 45th. They have a cool atmosphere and lots of open mike nights for your viewing pleasures.

-Best Gym: The WAC downtown. Gorgeous high end country club with a full gym and a cool bar and restaurant all located right in the middle of downtown. Membership is by invitation only. Fuckers.

-Best Bars: I am going to have to break this down into a few sections.
-Best Bar for hanging out in the U-district: Kai’s. Chill place with inexpensive drinks.
-Best Bar on Capitol Hill: My favorites are the War Room or the Cha Cha, depends on whether you want a wild dance party or chill conversation spot.
-Best Bar for getting smashed: Earl’s on the Ave. 2 $4 drinks are enough to put away most people (and there are those who’ve gone done for the count with less).
-Best Bar for seeing and being seen: Amber in Belltown. Everybody is well-dressed and beautiful, there are attendants in the bathroom to help you wipe your ass and bartenders dressed in black suits. Expensive as hell.

-Best Amusement: the 9-hole golf course by Green lake. $8 to rent a pitching wedge and a putter and a ball and go with your friends around this small course (most holes are 80 yards or so) and have some fun.

-Best local beach: Madison Park is packed all summer long with trendy hipsters, frat boys, families and sexy ladies outside tanning in the sun or swimming out to the diving dock. I recommend you bring a football & frisbee, but that’s just me.

Hopefully this guide will be more helpful to you than that piece of crap from “The Daily”.

Frightening. Religion really freaks me out. Christians used to do this shit too before they stopped believing in the literal text of the Bible and emasculated their beliefs. How can you approve vigilante murders for “chastity crimes”, insulting the prophet Mohammed or being “morally corrupt”?!? You want to know what was morally corrupt that one young couple did? They were engaged to be married and WALKED TOGETHER IN PUBLIC! There are lots of these ancient superstitions, but in Iran, they are enforced by their Supreme Court. Horrifying. As Richard Dawkins put it, “Religion is a virus of the mind”.

Most of my life I’ve tended to be more towards the Republican side politically, because I am a huge supporter of small government and free market fiscal policies. However, the Republican party has slowly morphed into a party that is controlled by religious interest groups and now wants to codify their silly beliefs into law. In the last eight years they have had nearly full control of the government and instead of shrinking the government and the national debt (cornerstones of fiscally conservative economics), they have expanded the national government and the debt at an unprecedented rate. There has been way too many pork projects getting passed and far too little good legislation. Our Middle East policy has been thoroughly bungled. The Republican party is full of cowards who just want re-election and won’t stand by their beliefs. The Democrats aren’t much better though; we need to change the two-party system. Both parties are just set up to retain power and not make the positive changes that are so desperately needed.

Since I have had the legal right to vote when I turned 18, I have abstained from participating in our elections because both parties churn out politicians who make me sick. Not only that, but many of the elections we hold are semi- to fully fixed. Thousands of dead people vote in every county in each election and most of them are counted.

Want to know the worst part? I think our horrific political system is probably the best in the world… At least Big Brother isn’t as involved in my life as it is in Europe or South America and I don’t have to worry about being murdered for walking down the street with my girlfriend. What a terrible world we live in.

For months now I’ve been talking about getting in shape, but have been really busy and haven’t been able to really do all I have wanted to do. Don’t get me wrong: I still have been lifting 3 days a week and doing occasional cardio. Now though I am going to really step it up and get in great shape for the summer months.

Today I went for a long run during lunch and this evening I’m going to go lift and probably do another half hour of cardio. I need to start doing more abs and cardio and get my six-pack back.

Three years ago, I used ephedra during its last legal period and got incredibly ripped. Ephedra has some side effects though that I didn’t really like (not as sociable, easily agitated), so I am going to be going all natural this time. Also, to clarify for those of you who don’t know, ephedra is just a dietary supplement, like ginseng that raises your metabolism to a higher rate. Some people i know have confused ephedra with steroids before and there is a world of difference. Ephedra has no known side effects except in massive overdoses (heart attacks) and does not cause the large psychological changes that steroids do. However, I am still going to get my six pack with no outside help this time.

I strongly suggest to anyone who reads my blog to join me and get yourselves fit. You will feel better all the time and you will have a healthier life.